Here is the second week of tweets from the long-suffering Mr Wooster. As for the first week, I've numbered the tweets for reference; some of them have notes attached, which are at the bottom of the page. A tweet with a note is numbered in boldface. Tweets with a sub-number, such as (24a) and (24b), were originally tweeted together as a group and are intended to be read as such.
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17 October
(94a) Dreamt that the engine picked up Dimo by the collar and brought him here safely. Interesting. I suppose it could, if it's a true clank.
(94b) Is it, though? Brother Matthias is a spark, but I didn't see it act on its own initiative at any time.
(95a) I have mislaid my front collar stud, so have had to fasten it with a spare shirt stud. Borrowed a scarf to hide this sartorial solecism.
(95b) There's a lot of snow needs shovelling this morning, so I am not going to waste time looking for the stud until it's cleared.
(96) Back inside. Found it. It had rolled off the dresser in the night. Must be draughtier in there than I thought.
(97a) I have a letter. Now that is some dedicated postal forwarding. It is from my Aunt Emmeline. She thinks I am a diplomat.
(97b) I suppose I am, in a manner of speaking. At least, I certainly have to be diplomatic, which may or may not be the same thing.
(98a) Have diplomatically replied to Aunt Emmeline. Yes, I am wearing my long thermals. No, I am not yet planning to get married.
(98b) If she could see the weather we are having, she would not ask about the thermals. They are a sine qua non.
(99a) Mentioned Aunt Emmeline in passing. Got a lengthy jeremiad in reply from Violetta about her family. I sympathise; it cannot be easy.
(99b) All the Sturmvoraus family ever seems to do is plot against itself. Though, having said that, I think Violetta has benefited.
(99c) It has made her very sharp-witted. I would not, however, dream of attributing that to family problems, not when she is in this state.
(100a) It seems that von Blitzengaard would not worry about killing Violetta. He is already out to kill Tarvek Sturmvoraus.
(100b) He told Lady Heterodyne that he had already killed him, but she doubts that and so do I. Certainly he will kill Lady Selnikov if he can.
(100c) I fear von Blitzengaard lacks subtlety.
(101) Gave Brother Finn a hand with the bees again. This time we were collecting wax for candles.
(102a) I have concluded that I like bees. They are uncomplicated. They do not, generally speaking, attempt to kill one.
(102b) Perhaps, if I get home to England alive, I shall move to Bath, take up some blameless profession, and keep bees. It sounds like heaven.
(102c) Except that I won't, unfortunately. I shall stay in the Service. I know myself too well. I suspect I am my own worst enemy.
(103) Violetta asked me why I stay in this job. I don't always know myself, but I gave her the only reply I could think of: someone has to do it.
(104) Brother Finn says his eyes are bad just now, and has asked if I will read to him. It will be a pleasure.
[RT @girlgenius] Friday's Girl Genius page has posted. What kind of cat IS Krosp, anyway? http://fb.me/1zoo0qaeh
(105) I had no idea that Krosp was a particular breed of cat. Apparently he is a Moldovian Puff. It sounds awfully like a kind of pudding.
(106) Now Krosp is explaining his pedigree to us. He does not appear at all concerned that many of his ancestors were, in fact, the same cat.
(107) I lit a candle. Not to any saint, but as a symbol of all the tiny daily acts of defiance I need to keep back the dread and the despair.
18 October
(108a) Krosp says the ginger tom has no pedigree. I said pedigree is not as important as who you are. He said that's a republican sentiment.
(108b) He's actually right. I don't respect Albia because she is queen, but because she is a good queen.
(108c) However, I am not going to feel guilty. Without a healthy dose of that attitude we wouldn't have had the Magna Carta.
(109) Still no airships, bears, sparkhounds or battle clanks in evidence. On the other hand, still no Dimo either, and a heavy fall of snow.
(110a) Tired from shovelling snow. I saw van Kleek again. He says when he is a full monk he will take the name of Brother Ardulphus.
(110b) Decided not to give him the details of St Ardulphus' martyrdom. He has plenty of time to find out for himself.
(111) I should really like to read, but we are not allowed in the library. I wonder if it would be all right for Brother Finn to get me a book?
(112a) Yes; it is all right for Brother Finn to get me a book. He says they have no novels, but he has found me something he thinks I will like.
(112b) It is "The Life of the Spider", by Fabre. I wonder why he thinks I will like it? Still, he has got to know me quite well. I shall try it.
(113a) Great Scott. Brother Finn was right. I am so much enjoying this book; the writer's enthusiasm shines out of every page.
(113b) I have always associated spiders with Robert the Bruce, but I had no idea they were so fascinating in and of themselves.
(114a) Krosp has got fleas from fighting the ginger tom. He is furious. Says this is what you get for mixing with commoners.
(114b) Told him I doubt the fleas check a cat's pedigree before landing. Did not add that I am the commonest member of our party.
(115) The intrepid Zeetha has dealt with the fleas. She gave Krosp a bath. He is now drying in front of the fire, in an extremely foul mood.
(116a) Krosp does look a lot better for his bath, but I wouldn't dream of telling him. Which reminds me; I need a haircut.
(116b) Not going to investigate that here, though. I don't want to end up accidentally tonsured.
(117) Zeetha did tell Krosp he looked better. "Cute and fluffy" was the phrase she used. I shall not quote his reply.
(118a) Walked out of the room and almost collided with Nadia Petrovna, who had given her governess the slip. It was an awkward moment.
(118b) At least I was able to explain that I could not return her affections; but I had to do some quick thinking to keep her out of trouble.
(118c) What I did was to take her back to Madame Klimenko and explain that she had got lost. That way, she could not be blamed.
(119a) I don't care what anyone says. I did the right thing by the young lady. I have no feelings for her, and was not going to pretend I had.
(119b) I am not... well, let's just say someone I used to regard as a friend.
(120a) Now I know why I'm angry. It's the idea that I should use someone in order to live up to someone else's expectations.
(120b) I have to cope with enough moral dilemmas in the course of duty, without other people putting them on me.
(120c) The hell with this, if you'll pardon my French. I'm going to talk to Brother Finn.
(121) ...so Brother Finn packed me off to the organ loft and told me to play Bach till I felt better. The sun will not go down on my wrath.
19 October
(122a) Bach did the trick. A few toccatas and fugues later, I was calm enough to go and clear the air with Krosp. We now have a working truce.
(122b) Never having seen me in love, he still thinks I am a prudish milksop, but that is fair enough, since I still think he is an amoral egotist.
(122c) On the other hand, we do both still have to help protect the Lady Heterodyne. And he is not useless at that.
(123) Shovelling snow, yet again. The monks say it is always like this in the winter. Still, it makes the hills very beautiful.
(124) I have still not found out any specifics about the defences here. All I know is that the monks are confident in them, which I would expect.
(125a) What I should most like to know is how we are defended from aerial attack. That, on the face of it, is a point of vulnerability.
(125b) It is possible that this is why von Blitzengaard has not yet attacked. His ground forces are strong, but his aerial forces are not.
(125c) He may well be strengthening them at the moment. It would be the logical thing to do, from his point of view.
(126) Brother Finn tripped on the stairs. He is not hurt, but he says he couldn't see clearly. I am starting to worry about his eyesight.
(127) Went and helped in the laundry. I can sew well enough to do my own repairs, so I ended up mending. Quite soothing.
(128) We brought out the game that Lady Heterodyne invented, but inexplicably some of the pieces were missing.
(129) So we had a few rounds of whist instead. Now I know why we don't play it often. I fear Krosp cheats.
(130) Oh... oh my. I'm being archived: http://mongoose-writes.weebly.com/mr-woosters-twitter.html … With notes for modern readers.
(131a) It occurs to me that it might be a good idea to try to work out what has happened to Tarvek Sturmvoraus, if he's not dead.
(131b) Von Blitzengaard told Lady Heterodyne that he'd killed him, but Lady Selnikov talks as though he is alive. The truth would be useful.
(132a) I have been talking with Lady Heterodyne about young Sturmvoraus. Unfortunately, I now have more reason to believe he may be dead.
(132b) Von Blitzengaard definitely wounded him. We have no way of knowing whether or not he survived.
(132c) If he did, he will be trapped in Mechanicsburg. It all depends on whether or not he outsmarted his cousin.
(133a) Oh... I didn't expect that. I was overheard playing the organ last night. Now they want me to play at evening service.
(133b) I'm sure I'm not good enough. And I'm quite certain I can't play the Railway Anthem. How could they think...?
(133c) No; it's an honour. I'm sure they wouldn't normally ask someone outside the Order. I shall just have to go in there and do my best.
(134a) That went remarkably well, although I made mistakes. Mentioned that to Brother Finn afterwards. He said all musicians do that sometimes.
(134b) But he said competent musicians make mistakes that other people don't notice, and therefore I'm competent. Kind of him to say so.
(134c) Even Brother Maurice, who usually plays the organ, said I did well, so I must have done, I suppose. Happy to oblige.
20 October
(135a) Brother Maurice has given me some advice. He said, "Young man, whatever you do in life... enjoy it."
(135b) It's not always possible, but in fact I think I do most of the time. It's just that... well, I also worry about it. One can do both.
(136) We are now talking to the Abbot. His name is Father Gerät. Brother Ulm is with him; don't think I can challenge him in front of the Abbot.
(137) However, Brother Ulm is not quite as high on my list of concerns as he was. The Abbot says that Lady Selnikov has disappeared.
(138a) Very well; let's consider this logically. If I were Lady Selnikov and I wanted to disappear, where might I have gone?
(138b) A lot depends on how ruthless she is. Would she be prepared to kill to protect her secret? I wonder.
(138c) She seems the nervous type, but that means, frankly, nothing. *I'm* the nervous type.
(139a) If she will kill, she could be anywhere in the fortress. If not, she may perhaps have stolen a habit; she might pass as a monk for a while.
(139b) That's certainly the first place I'd look. I'm sure she won't have left the fortress. It would be too dangerous.
(140) It's also possible that she may have suborned a monk into hiding her. Her family have many ways of making people do what they want.
(141a) I think that if Lady Selnikov is not found very soon, it will be safest to assume that she is potentially dangerous.
(141b) This could well turn into one of those cat and mouse games. I must confess that I enjoy those rather more than I really should.
(142) And then there's the little matter of a book and a key that Lady Selnikov stole. What book, and what key? Why are they so important?
(143) We are having a tea break. The monks make most excellent chocolate biscuits. I must enquire about the recipe.
(144) Unrelated to anything, the Abbot is a very bulky man who moves oddly. I can't help but wonder if he is mostly clank under that habit.
(145a) So we have one Sturmvoraus in here causing trouble, one outside causing trouble, one missing-presumed-devious, and one tearing her hair out.
(145b) And now Violetta says there's also a Cousin Seffie. Wonderful. Oh frabjous day. Just what we need: another blasted Sturmvoraus.
(145c) Meaning no offence at all to Violetta, who appears to be the only sane and sensible member of that family.
(146a) I am in a dilemma regarding Tarvek Sturmvoraus. If he is alive, he would make by far the least dangerous Storm King.
(146b) But while he lives, he is a rival to Master Gil for Lady Heterodyne's hand, with all the possible dreadful consequences that entails.
(146c) It would make life so much easier if Lady Heterodyne were not attracted to such dangerous young men. Alas, nothing can be done about that.
(147) I think I would sooner dance with Dupree than be in Violetta's family. More immediately hellish, but at least over in a finite time.
21 October
(148a) Itching to ask to be allowed to go after Lady Selnikov, but the Abbot does not yet have reason to trust me far enough. I must be patient.
(148b) Oh, the thrill of a one-to-one battle of wits through the secret corridors of an ancient fortress! It is what I was made for.
(148c) And then the final exquisite subtlety needed to bring her back alive and unharmed. I pride myself on that. Ah, but I can wait.
(149a) There are many secrets here, so he will send the monks after her first. But how many of them have the right skills to catch her?
(149b) I fear they will either fail or be killed. She is terrified and desperate. Never underestimate a terrified person.
(149c) Or they will kill her. She must be caught alive. We need to know the significance of the things she has stolen.
(150a) The matter of clothing is becoming an unnecessary distraction. I hope M Arnaud still has his little shop near the Jardin des Tuileries.
(150b) I shall have to be measured again, of course. I have put on a little weight since I was last in Paris, which is no bad thing.
(150c) Of course, Master Gil always used to go to M Bernard, who was more expensive and fashionable. But he was still not the better tailor.
(151) There is always the possibility that I shall never make it to Paris alive. Still, one could be buried in worse than I am currently wearing.
(152) I do not think I can stop the Abbot from sending monks after Lady Selnikov, but with tact I may be able to stop him sending all of them.
(153) I shall have to be very diplomatic. The Abbot is in charge here. I am only a guest, and not even an intentionally invited one.
(154) At any rate, Lady Heterodyne is not offering to build a search-and-locate clank. Yet.
(155) Oh my. I have been... I believe the term is "fanficced": http://mongoose-writes.weebly.com/the-ambassador.html …
(156) I really don't know what to say. I'm not sure I would have the confidence to do that. Still... *blush*
(157a) Well, that little interlude has got me thinking about Master Gil; not, I confess, my favourite subject of reflection.
(157b) But if von Blitzengaard starts causing trouble, I shall probably need to. I can't imagine Master Gil will just sit back and let him.
(158a) So if von Blitzengaard attacks us, there is a chance that Gil will get involved. And if so... oh, Lord. He'll bring Dupree.
(158b) ...oh, calm down, Wooster. Yes, she's a dangerous psychopath, but you've beaten her before and you can again. Now stop it.
(159a) Lady Heterodyne says I should stop thinking about all the things that could happen and just deal with them when they do, since they will.
(159b) Well, yes. But I would like to have at least some idea of what I may find myself having to deal with.
(160a) I know what's wrong with me. I need some action. Not just things blowing up in the vicinity, but something I can get involved in.
(160b) I'm so tightly wound that I think I'd take on von Blitzengaard in a fight. It's not that I'm aggressive; I just need to do something.
(161) As soon as I get the chance, I'm going to ask to play the organ again. Toccatas and fugues cure quite a number of ills.
22 October
(162a) Made unguarded remark about punching von Blitzengaard on the nose. Apologised immediately to Violetta. He is, after all, her cousin.
(162b) She reacted... unexpectedly. She said, "Wooster, if you punch Martellus on the nose, I shall probably smooch you."
(162c) Zeetha said my face was a picture. Well. One wouldn't say something like that in England.
(163) Anyway, don't I recall that Violetta is pining for Moloch von Zinzer? No, don't even think about it. It doesn't mean the same over here.
(164) It would really help if I hadn't just overheard Zeetha betting Violetta she wouldn't really smooch "that over-analytical stuffed shirt".
(165a) Oh, the crafty... Chapeau, Zeetha. Now I understand. You never "fail to notice" when someone is in earshot. You meant me to hear that.
(165b) Zeetha knows we both like a challenge. She's trying to set us up. I had no idea she thought so well of me; she hides it well.
(165c) Well, I am flattered, but I am not biting. Violetta is an excellent young lady, but she is a Sturmvoraus. Enough said.
(166) Besides, these mind games are not helping to locate the Lady Selnikov. I think, until we are actually attacked, she is the main priority.
(167) I need to concentrate. Brother Ulm is twitchy, but that could be because of Lady Heterodyne. There's too much I don't know.
(168a) No, it's not just Lady Heterodyne who is making Brother Ulm twitchy. It's the thought of Lady Selnikov loose in the fortress.
(168b) In fact, twitchy is an understatement. He's terrified, though he's trying to hide it behind dourness.
(169a) Ah, that old familiar feeling. The one you get when you realise that what you thought was relative safety may, in fact, be a powder keg.
(169b) I can't afford to be darkly amused, however. I have to get Lady Heterodyne to Paris or die in the attempt.
(170a) The odds are starting to look impossible. I'm not some kind of hero. I don't do impossible odds.
(170b) So I'm just going to have to hope I get the chance to deal with one set of possible odds at a time, am I not?
(171) And, on a totally irrelevant note, I am still raising an eyebrow at the idea that Krosp should be included in the concept "gentlemen".
(172) If Master Gil does turn up, will he bring Higgs? That could be interesting. I have a good idea where Higgs' loyalties really lie.
(173a) Lady Heterodyne is right. The closer things are to going completely to hell, the less I worry about them.
(173b) I am quite perverse, really, when I think about it.
[RT @girlgenius] Wednesday's page is up, and we are getting ready to fly to Denver for MileHiCon this weekend. Also, we have... http://fb.me/7aumA5iGH
(174) But... I am still worried about Dimo. I wish he were here. Preferably with a hundred more of his kind. The Jägers are staunch friends.
(175) Ah, tea and scones. Chaos is about to break out in all directions, but at least there are tea and scones. I approve!
23 October
(176a) I am now starting to make sense of Brother Ulm's motivation for trying to kill Lady Heterodyne; not that that exonerates him.
(176b) As I said earlier in relation to Lady Selnikov, never underestimate a terrified person. It bears repetition, as it is generally true.
(177a) I am guessing that there is some kind of powerful spark device here, quite possibly a power source in its own right. It would explain much.
(177b) If Brother Ulm is terrified at the idea of Lady Selnikov getting near it, he must be even more afraid of Lady Heterodyne doing so.
(178a) He would have known who she was because of the confessional. I was more circumspect; not sure whether I should be ashamed or proud.
(178b) I confessed I was a British agent sent to escort the passenger who would join us at Clankshead. I gave no hint that I knew who she was.
(179a) Oh, and I am not going to move just because Zeetha is looking at me like that. I'm standing next to Violetta because there's a space there.
(179b) If I did move, it would look as though I'd stood there deliberately. So I am staying put.
(180a) Oh, and if I do get killed, someone please tell Krosp he can have those spare buttons. I don't trust him enough to tell him myself.
(180b) Of course he'll survive. He's a blasted cat.
(181a) The Abbot is a much cooler customer than Brother Ulm. That is reassuring, when I think about it.
(181b) He probably knows things that Brother Ulm doesn't.
(182a) It's at times like these, when the midden is about to hit the windmill full tilt, that I always remember what Uncle Septimus once said.
(182b) And I really, really wish I didn't. It's not repeatable.
(183) I wonder if this gun will be enough? Really, I think I could do with a longer-range weapon. Still, bit late to think of that now.
(184) I have been drawn. In realistic style. Not sure I like it; shouldn't sit for a portrait when possibly going to die.
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Notes
(94a) “Dreamt that the engine picked up Dimo...” I actually had this dream myself. And by that stage I knew what had happened to Dimo, even though Mr Wooster didn't.
(94b) “Brother Matthias is a spark...” This is canonical.
(95a) “...this sartorial solecism”. As mentioned in a previous note, Mr Wooster wears shirts with detachable collars and cuffs. As well as cufflinks, this means he needs shirt studs (to fasten the shirt itself; the shirt he's wearing at this point in the story fastens at the back, which was not unusual for the time period), cuff studs, and a front and back collar stud. The front collar stud is longer than its counterpart at the back because it has to go through more layers. He's had to substitute a shirt stud for his front collar stud, and that doesn't have the same length, so it's going to be obvious unless he covers it, because it will pull the fabric. Oh, the headaches of a Victorian man who aimed to be well-dressed!
(98a) “...my long thermals”. We have not so far seen what Mr Wooster's underclothing looks like in canon; to my mind this means he's had a pretty lucky escape so far, given the amount of time some of the other characters spend running around in their negligibles. However, I'm assuming that, just as his outer clothing is more historically accurate than anyone else's, so too is his underwear, and he's therefore got a nice substantial pair of drawers for summer, a vest to add to them for cooler days, and a thermal union suit or set of combinations for winter. I am pretty certain he never wears anything as modern-looking as the little briefs which (barely) decorate the paper-doll version of Maxim. To be honest, I think the little briefs are nothing more than unabashed fanservice, and Mr Wooster is far too modest to be pressed into fanservice. (Isn't he? Come on, please tell me he is – I don't want to see any Wooster sauce!)
(100b) “He told Lady Heterodyne that he had already killed him...” That was here. There is good reason to suppose that neither Agatha nor Mr Wooster believes that, and it's at least partly here. If Lady Selnikov, who is one of the Sturmvoraus family, is still talking about Tarvek as though he's alive, then Mr Wooster at least has a good reason to believe that he probably is, since he wasn't there at the time when Martellus said he had killed Tarvek and didn't see what actually happened. This is less likely to convince Agatha, but then she may well have some wishful thinking going on, combined with the fact that she knows Tarvek very well and probably rates him as a good deal sneakier than Martellus.
(100c) “I fear von Blitzengaard lacks subtlety.” I'm so pleased with this. It's quintessential Wooster.
(105) “...a Moldovian Puff.” This was actually mentioned earlier, but Mr Wooster was out of earshot at the time, and I don't suppose Krosp was going to tell him!
(106) “...the same cat.” Joke pinched shamelessly from Terry Pratchett, although the original was “the same dog” (with reference to Gaspode's ancestry).
(107) “I lit a candle.” Sometimes, you roleplay a character and they articulate something really profound that you'd never have been able to put into words without them. Mr Wooster's “tiny daily acts of defiance” mostly don't appear in canon, and there is a good reason for that; they would slow down the story even further, and it already moves very slowly due to the limitations of the format. (Not that I'm complaining. It's an awesome story.) Nonetheless, as someone who struggles with anxiety myself and used to struggle with depression too, I know they must be happening. There is no other way he'd be coping at all, in the position he's in. He's basically had to become his own therapist. That is why, in the Twitter feed, he's often seen helping other people around him (which is win-win), playing music when he gets the chance, or simply taking himself in hand and reminding himself that in fact he can cope when he's actually thrown into a crisis, no matter how difficult the waiting period is. Brave young man; it's one thing to be able to handle all the external stuff – and he's got plenty of that on his plate – but quite another to be able to pull your own inner demons into line at the same time.
(108a) “...a republican sentiment.” Again, this is something that has to be viewed by the standards of the time. Because Mr Wooster not only comes from a monarchy but is specifically loyal to his Queen, Krosp thinks he is insulting him by insinuating that he is a republican. Mr Wooster, however, takes a more nuanced view of the matter.
(112b) “The Life of the Spider”. I read this book when I was eight years old, at the house of a distant cousin. Over forty years later I can still remember how it gripped me. I've never seen spiders the same way since.
(113b) “...Robert the Bruce...” The legend goes that Robert the Bruce was exiled in a cave, and one day he found himself watching a spider building its web. Every time he destroyed the web, the spider patiently rebuilt it, and Robert the Bruce took this as a lesson never to give up. I also think he should have taken it as a lesson to stop wantonly destroying the work of some innocent spider who'd never done anything to offend him, but then that's Fabre's influence for you. I like spiders.
(114b) “...the commonest member of our party.” He is, indeed. There's Lady Heterodyne, of course. Zeetha is a Princess of Skifander, Violetta is cousin to the Storm King (assuming that Tarvek is still alive and has been able to defend his title), and even Krosp is supposedly the Emperor of All Cats, although the ginger tom has clearly been arguing about that. And if you count Lady Selnikov among the party, that's another aristocrat. Sometimes it must be like public school all over again.
(118c) “...and explain that she had got lost.” Which, of course, was a flat lie, and that's surprisingly uncanonical; I can't find a single incident in canon where he does tell a direct lie of any kind. I defend it on the grounds of extraordinary measures. Nadia Petrovna had got herself into some hot water, and the chivalrous Mr Wooster, feeling that her actions had been simply misguided rather than morally wrong, did what he could to mitigate them. I think he'd lie if he had to, to save someone else from something bad that he didn't feel they truly deserved.
(119a) “I don't care what anyone says.” At this point, he doesn't say who he's been arguing with. That was deliberate. He's so angry that he is afraid he may say something unfair about his antagonist if he says who they are.
(119b) “...someone I used to regard as a friend.” Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, of course. Gil's previous reputation as a libertine is referenced here by Mr Wooster himself, and in terms which strongly suggest that Mr Wooster did not behave similarly. (The line “I... I believe I do, sir” suggests that he has had at least one love affair of some kind, and not a happy one, but the overall context rules out the idea that he went round painting Paris red in the way Gil did.)
(120a) “Now I know why I'm angry.” This was actually Mr Wooster and me being angry in synchrony, and for the same reason. I'd been looking for fanfic with him in it, and hadn't been able to find any (except for the stories I myself wrote) which didn't make him out to be a steampunk James Bond. And – I'm going to say this, though it won't make me popular – I really hate James Bond. Hate him with a passion. I think he's an absolute sociopath; he uses people. Mr Wooster is forced to do that to some extent because of his job, but he does it as little as he can possibly get away with, whereas Bond doesn't appear to care. There is also the whole macho thing, which Bond has very much bought into and Mr Wooster hasn't. (I mean, how do you suppose Bond would have reacted in this situation? Even allowing for the fact that Mr Wooster is still very conscious of Gil's threat, this is the reaction of a well-brought-up Victorian, not a modern character.) So, on one level this tweet was Mr Wooster being angry that Krosp (as we later find) was trying to push him into a stereotype which went against his principles, and on another level it was me being angry that other people were.
(122b) “Never having seen me in love...” Actually, nobody has so far, so I'm not entirely sure what a lovestruck Mr Wooster looks like either. But since he clearly doesn't fall in love often or we'd have known about it, I'm guessing that when he does, he doesn't do it by halves. At this point in the story I am actually wondering whether Wooster/Violetta might be a possibility, even though Violetta was still missing von Zinzer when we last heard anything about the state of her affections; after all, she's got some pretty stiff competition for von Zinzer, and anyone who's capable of falling for von Zinzer is not going to mind dealing with a man who gets stressed easily. I'm not particularly rooting for it or anything, just wondering about it. That, incidentally, is why I have taken some care to ensure that all Mr Wooster's interactions with Violetta referred to on Twitter have been positive, just in case it does happen. And, in any case, she's much nicer to him in canon than Zeetha is.
(133c) “I shall just have to go in there and do my best.” Having just panicked about it and then collected himself again. He'll end up with this line engraved on his tombstone, and I do very much hope he isn't going to come by that tombstone in the course of the story. If the Foglios were George R R Martin, he definitely would.
(135a) “Brother Maurice has given me some advice.” When I was about Mr Wooster's age, I was given the same advice in pretty much exactly the same words by an older chap by the name of Maurice, and as you see I've never forgotten. This Maurice, however, was not a monk. He was an Irish folk musician who, moments after delivering his words of wisdom, crashed to the floor because he was too drunk to stay on his feet. I should imagine he's no longer with us, the rate he drank; but he was a decent bloke all the same. Rest in peace, Maurice, and I hope you'll forgive me for making a monk of you.
(136) “We are now talking to the Abbot.” And I expect we shall be all week, given the pace of narrative time. Mr Wooster is going to have to get very introspective for a while to cover it, I think. Not that he has any difficulty with that.
(137) “...Lady Selnikov has disappeared.” Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Here is a four-word object lesson on the dangers of trying to roleplay any GG character in real (story) time. Mr Wooster has already made several references to Lady Selnikov about the fortress; I had no idea this was going to happen. She was last seen on the train, and was not with the party when they disembarked, but I had concluded that she simply wanted to get away from Agatha, being nervous of her. As to where she's gone, I have no idea, but Mr Wooster can certainly use up some Twitter time in speculating. I'm assuming she must still be in the fortress somewhere, as she would not be safe outside it.
(138b) “Would she be prepared to kill...?” Good question, Mr Wooster. Yes, she would. Of course, Mr Wooster doesn't know that happened; as far as he's concerned, he's just asking a theoretical question. But, as his next tweet shows, he knows from his own experience not to underestimate a scared person.
(140) “...she may have suborned a monk...” We later find that she has done exactly that.
(141b) “...I enjoy those rather more than I really should.” There is nothing wrong with enjoying cat and mouse games, and indeed in Mr Wooster's profession it is a positive asset. But the point here is that he's very good at them, and he's reluctant to say anything that sounds like boasting.
(144) “...a very bulky man who moves oddly.” That is most clearly visible here, in the bottom right panel. Just from personal experience, two of my best friends are built on similar lines to the Abbot, and I can tell you they don't walk anything like that. If they did, they'd land on their noses. Also, his habit drapes all wrongly for normal human legs. I don't know what Mr Wooster's imagining, but I'm kind of thinking wheels here.
(145b) “Oh frabjous day.” Mr Wooster is using it with uncharacteristically heavy sarcasm here, but this is, of course, a quote from Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky. (Incidentally, Mr Wooster would be even more worried if he knew what Cousin Seffie had been up to lately; but he doesn't, and neither, thankfully, does Violetta.)
(148c) “I pride myself on that.” Oh, Mr Wooster! Are you getting so excited about the idea of a possible fugitive chase that your rather excessive modesty is slipping? Excellent!
(150a) “The matter of clothing is becoming an unnecessary distraction.” Indeed, because he lost all his luggage along with everyone else, as mentioned previously. I'm sure he's washing things late at night in his room and drying them in front of the fire, but it's still a bit of a push when he has more important things to think about. Even though I do love the waistcoat he happens to be stuck with!
(152) “...I may be able to stop him sending all of them.” Mr Wooster is worried specifically about Brother Finn, who is showing signs of failing eyesight, and more generally about the older and more infirm monks. He is probably worrying unnecessarily, because the Abbot is a great deal sassier than he is choosing to appear at the moment, as we have seen in his previous dealings with Brother Ulm.
(158b) “...a dangerous psychopath...” I'm not 100% sure this term is correct for the time period, but it's certainly the most succinct way of describing Bangladesh Dupree that I can think of.
(162c) “One wouldn't say something like that in England.” Mr Wooster's shock here follows completely logically from the way he is portrayed in canon. Even if he's attracted to Violetta (and, as I've previously mentioned, that is not impossible), he's going to find this remark very hard to process, because he comes from a much more authentically 19th-century culture than the other characters do. He would therefore not consider it proper to kiss someone unless he was at least engaged to them, though perhaps, being surrounded by the other characters, he might unbend enough to kiss someone with whom he was in a steady relationship. The idea of being kissed out of the blue has just blown all his cogs!
(165a) “Chapeau, Zeetha.” This expression is still in use, but it's probably old-fashioned enough to be unfamiliar to some readers. Chapeau is French for “hat”, and this is a shorthand way of saying that he raises his hat to Zeetha in admiration. She nearly managed to pull the wool over his eyes, and she would have succeeded if he had not recalled the fact that her warrior training gives her excellent (indeed, almost supernatural) awareness of where people are around her. Once he realises that, he very quickly reaches the obvious conclusion. This little episode is, of course, completely non-canonical, but since it's self-contained, that's not a problem. (Unless we really do end up with this debatable pairing in canon at some point, in which case I shall naturally lose no opportunity to hark back to it!)
(167) “Brother Ulm is twitchy...” And we're right back with the Abbot and Brother Ulm. In the comic, we've never actually left them. The side conversations are just a literary device.
(168b) “He's terrified...” Well, he would be, in view of this.
(170b) “...one set of possible odds at a time...” On a personal note, I can vouch for the fact that Mr Wooster was having a much better mental health day than I was.
(172) “...where Higgs' loyalties really lie.” To start with, the answer to Mr Wooster's original question is no. If Gil shows up – which he will, by the look of things – Higgs won't be with him, because he volunteered to stay with Captain Vole. Mr Wooster's observation about Higgs' loyalties is based on the sequence of events shown here, here and here. He will know about the first two parts of the sequence from Zeetha and/or Violetta, and the third follows logically from the first two. (Incidentally, I'm puzzled at Dupree's allegation that Higgs is using Zeetha. I can see no evidence that this is true. All I can think is that it hasn't yet occurred to Dupree to question the thought that his primary loyalty is to Gil; but if Higgs is using anyone in this situation, then arguably it is Gil.)
(180a) “...he can have those spare buttons.” This is a reference to tweet 6 and subsequent events, not to canon.
(182a) “...when the midden is about to hit the windmill...” I have no idea if the expression for which this is a euphemism is correct for the period, but I do know that Mr Wooster wouldn't say the original. This way of putting it is, as far as I'm aware, down to Terry Pratchett.
(184) "I have been drawn." And you don't quite like it, Mr Wooster? Well, I don't blame you, as I'm still learning to draw. But if you want to look happier in a drawing, talk to me again when you're feeling less grim and I shall happily try another portrait.
---
17 October
(94a) Dreamt that the engine picked up Dimo by the collar and brought him here safely. Interesting. I suppose it could, if it's a true clank.
(94b) Is it, though? Brother Matthias is a spark, but I didn't see it act on its own initiative at any time.
(95a) I have mislaid my front collar stud, so have had to fasten it with a spare shirt stud. Borrowed a scarf to hide this sartorial solecism.
(95b) There's a lot of snow needs shovelling this morning, so I am not going to waste time looking for the stud until it's cleared.
(96) Back inside. Found it. It had rolled off the dresser in the night. Must be draughtier in there than I thought.
(97a) I have a letter. Now that is some dedicated postal forwarding. It is from my Aunt Emmeline. She thinks I am a diplomat.
(97b) I suppose I am, in a manner of speaking. At least, I certainly have to be diplomatic, which may or may not be the same thing.
(98a) Have diplomatically replied to Aunt Emmeline. Yes, I am wearing my long thermals. No, I am not yet planning to get married.
(98b) If she could see the weather we are having, she would not ask about the thermals. They are a sine qua non.
(99a) Mentioned Aunt Emmeline in passing. Got a lengthy jeremiad in reply from Violetta about her family. I sympathise; it cannot be easy.
(99b) All the Sturmvoraus family ever seems to do is plot against itself. Though, having said that, I think Violetta has benefited.
(99c) It has made her very sharp-witted. I would not, however, dream of attributing that to family problems, not when she is in this state.
(100a) It seems that von Blitzengaard would not worry about killing Violetta. He is already out to kill Tarvek Sturmvoraus.
(100b) He told Lady Heterodyne that he had already killed him, but she doubts that and so do I. Certainly he will kill Lady Selnikov if he can.
(100c) I fear von Blitzengaard lacks subtlety.
(101) Gave Brother Finn a hand with the bees again. This time we were collecting wax for candles.
(102a) I have concluded that I like bees. They are uncomplicated. They do not, generally speaking, attempt to kill one.
(102b) Perhaps, if I get home to England alive, I shall move to Bath, take up some blameless profession, and keep bees. It sounds like heaven.
(102c) Except that I won't, unfortunately. I shall stay in the Service. I know myself too well. I suspect I am my own worst enemy.
(103) Violetta asked me why I stay in this job. I don't always know myself, but I gave her the only reply I could think of: someone has to do it.
(104) Brother Finn says his eyes are bad just now, and has asked if I will read to him. It will be a pleasure.
[RT @girlgenius] Friday's Girl Genius page has posted. What kind of cat IS Krosp, anyway? http://fb.me/1zoo0qaeh
(105) I had no idea that Krosp was a particular breed of cat. Apparently he is a Moldovian Puff. It sounds awfully like a kind of pudding.
(106) Now Krosp is explaining his pedigree to us. He does not appear at all concerned that many of his ancestors were, in fact, the same cat.
(107) I lit a candle. Not to any saint, but as a symbol of all the tiny daily acts of defiance I need to keep back the dread and the despair.
18 October
(108a) Krosp says the ginger tom has no pedigree. I said pedigree is not as important as who you are. He said that's a republican sentiment.
(108b) He's actually right. I don't respect Albia because she is queen, but because she is a good queen.
(108c) However, I am not going to feel guilty. Without a healthy dose of that attitude we wouldn't have had the Magna Carta.
(109) Still no airships, bears, sparkhounds or battle clanks in evidence. On the other hand, still no Dimo either, and a heavy fall of snow.
(110a) Tired from shovelling snow. I saw van Kleek again. He says when he is a full monk he will take the name of Brother Ardulphus.
(110b) Decided not to give him the details of St Ardulphus' martyrdom. He has plenty of time to find out for himself.
(111) I should really like to read, but we are not allowed in the library. I wonder if it would be all right for Brother Finn to get me a book?
(112a) Yes; it is all right for Brother Finn to get me a book. He says they have no novels, but he has found me something he thinks I will like.
(112b) It is "The Life of the Spider", by Fabre. I wonder why he thinks I will like it? Still, he has got to know me quite well. I shall try it.
(113a) Great Scott. Brother Finn was right. I am so much enjoying this book; the writer's enthusiasm shines out of every page.
(113b) I have always associated spiders with Robert the Bruce, but I had no idea they were so fascinating in and of themselves.
(114a) Krosp has got fleas from fighting the ginger tom. He is furious. Says this is what you get for mixing with commoners.
(114b) Told him I doubt the fleas check a cat's pedigree before landing. Did not add that I am the commonest member of our party.
(115) The intrepid Zeetha has dealt with the fleas. She gave Krosp a bath. He is now drying in front of the fire, in an extremely foul mood.
(116a) Krosp does look a lot better for his bath, but I wouldn't dream of telling him. Which reminds me; I need a haircut.
(116b) Not going to investigate that here, though. I don't want to end up accidentally tonsured.
(117) Zeetha did tell Krosp he looked better. "Cute and fluffy" was the phrase she used. I shall not quote his reply.
(118a) Walked out of the room and almost collided with Nadia Petrovna, who had given her governess the slip. It was an awkward moment.
(118b) At least I was able to explain that I could not return her affections; but I had to do some quick thinking to keep her out of trouble.
(118c) What I did was to take her back to Madame Klimenko and explain that she had got lost. That way, she could not be blamed.
(119a) I don't care what anyone says. I did the right thing by the young lady. I have no feelings for her, and was not going to pretend I had.
(119b) I am not... well, let's just say someone I used to regard as a friend.
(120a) Now I know why I'm angry. It's the idea that I should use someone in order to live up to someone else's expectations.
(120b) I have to cope with enough moral dilemmas in the course of duty, without other people putting them on me.
(120c) The hell with this, if you'll pardon my French. I'm going to talk to Brother Finn.
(121) ...so Brother Finn packed me off to the organ loft and told me to play Bach till I felt better. The sun will not go down on my wrath.
19 October
(122a) Bach did the trick. A few toccatas and fugues later, I was calm enough to go and clear the air with Krosp. We now have a working truce.
(122b) Never having seen me in love, he still thinks I am a prudish milksop, but that is fair enough, since I still think he is an amoral egotist.
(122c) On the other hand, we do both still have to help protect the Lady Heterodyne. And he is not useless at that.
(123) Shovelling snow, yet again. The monks say it is always like this in the winter. Still, it makes the hills very beautiful.
(124) I have still not found out any specifics about the defences here. All I know is that the monks are confident in them, which I would expect.
(125a) What I should most like to know is how we are defended from aerial attack. That, on the face of it, is a point of vulnerability.
(125b) It is possible that this is why von Blitzengaard has not yet attacked. His ground forces are strong, but his aerial forces are not.
(125c) He may well be strengthening them at the moment. It would be the logical thing to do, from his point of view.
(126) Brother Finn tripped on the stairs. He is not hurt, but he says he couldn't see clearly. I am starting to worry about his eyesight.
(127) Went and helped in the laundry. I can sew well enough to do my own repairs, so I ended up mending. Quite soothing.
(128) We brought out the game that Lady Heterodyne invented, but inexplicably some of the pieces were missing.
(129) So we had a few rounds of whist instead. Now I know why we don't play it often. I fear Krosp cheats.
(130) Oh... oh my. I'm being archived: http://mongoose-writes.weebly.com/mr-woosters-twitter.html … With notes for modern readers.
(131a) It occurs to me that it might be a good idea to try to work out what has happened to Tarvek Sturmvoraus, if he's not dead.
(131b) Von Blitzengaard told Lady Heterodyne that he'd killed him, but Lady Selnikov talks as though he is alive. The truth would be useful.
(132a) I have been talking with Lady Heterodyne about young Sturmvoraus. Unfortunately, I now have more reason to believe he may be dead.
(132b) Von Blitzengaard definitely wounded him. We have no way of knowing whether or not he survived.
(132c) If he did, he will be trapped in Mechanicsburg. It all depends on whether or not he outsmarted his cousin.
(133a) Oh... I didn't expect that. I was overheard playing the organ last night. Now they want me to play at evening service.
(133b) I'm sure I'm not good enough. And I'm quite certain I can't play the Railway Anthem. How could they think...?
(133c) No; it's an honour. I'm sure they wouldn't normally ask someone outside the Order. I shall just have to go in there and do my best.
(134a) That went remarkably well, although I made mistakes. Mentioned that to Brother Finn afterwards. He said all musicians do that sometimes.
(134b) But he said competent musicians make mistakes that other people don't notice, and therefore I'm competent. Kind of him to say so.
(134c) Even Brother Maurice, who usually plays the organ, said I did well, so I must have done, I suppose. Happy to oblige.
20 October
(135a) Brother Maurice has given me some advice. He said, "Young man, whatever you do in life... enjoy it."
(135b) It's not always possible, but in fact I think I do most of the time. It's just that... well, I also worry about it. One can do both.
(136) We are now talking to the Abbot. His name is Father Gerät. Brother Ulm is with him; don't think I can challenge him in front of the Abbot.
(137) However, Brother Ulm is not quite as high on my list of concerns as he was. The Abbot says that Lady Selnikov has disappeared.
(138a) Very well; let's consider this logically. If I were Lady Selnikov and I wanted to disappear, where might I have gone?
(138b) A lot depends on how ruthless she is. Would she be prepared to kill to protect her secret? I wonder.
(138c) She seems the nervous type, but that means, frankly, nothing. *I'm* the nervous type.
(139a) If she will kill, she could be anywhere in the fortress. If not, she may perhaps have stolen a habit; she might pass as a monk for a while.
(139b) That's certainly the first place I'd look. I'm sure she won't have left the fortress. It would be too dangerous.
(140) It's also possible that she may have suborned a monk into hiding her. Her family have many ways of making people do what they want.
(141a) I think that if Lady Selnikov is not found very soon, it will be safest to assume that she is potentially dangerous.
(141b) This could well turn into one of those cat and mouse games. I must confess that I enjoy those rather more than I really should.
(142) And then there's the little matter of a book and a key that Lady Selnikov stole. What book, and what key? Why are they so important?
(143) We are having a tea break. The monks make most excellent chocolate biscuits. I must enquire about the recipe.
(144) Unrelated to anything, the Abbot is a very bulky man who moves oddly. I can't help but wonder if he is mostly clank under that habit.
(145a) So we have one Sturmvoraus in here causing trouble, one outside causing trouble, one missing-presumed-devious, and one tearing her hair out.
(145b) And now Violetta says there's also a Cousin Seffie. Wonderful. Oh frabjous day. Just what we need: another blasted Sturmvoraus.
(145c) Meaning no offence at all to Violetta, who appears to be the only sane and sensible member of that family.
(146a) I am in a dilemma regarding Tarvek Sturmvoraus. If he is alive, he would make by far the least dangerous Storm King.
(146b) But while he lives, he is a rival to Master Gil for Lady Heterodyne's hand, with all the possible dreadful consequences that entails.
(146c) It would make life so much easier if Lady Heterodyne were not attracted to such dangerous young men. Alas, nothing can be done about that.
(147) I think I would sooner dance with Dupree than be in Violetta's family. More immediately hellish, but at least over in a finite time.
21 October
(148a) Itching to ask to be allowed to go after Lady Selnikov, but the Abbot does not yet have reason to trust me far enough. I must be patient.
(148b) Oh, the thrill of a one-to-one battle of wits through the secret corridors of an ancient fortress! It is what I was made for.
(148c) And then the final exquisite subtlety needed to bring her back alive and unharmed. I pride myself on that. Ah, but I can wait.
(149a) There are many secrets here, so he will send the monks after her first. But how many of them have the right skills to catch her?
(149b) I fear they will either fail or be killed. She is terrified and desperate. Never underestimate a terrified person.
(149c) Or they will kill her. She must be caught alive. We need to know the significance of the things she has stolen.
(150a) The matter of clothing is becoming an unnecessary distraction. I hope M Arnaud still has his little shop near the Jardin des Tuileries.
(150b) I shall have to be measured again, of course. I have put on a little weight since I was last in Paris, which is no bad thing.
(150c) Of course, Master Gil always used to go to M Bernard, who was more expensive and fashionable. But he was still not the better tailor.
(151) There is always the possibility that I shall never make it to Paris alive. Still, one could be buried in worse than I am currently wearing.
(152) I do not think I can stop the Abbot from sending monks after Lady Selnikov, but with tact I may be able to stop him sending all of them.
(153) I shall have to be very diplomatic. The Abbot is in charge here. I am only a guest, and not even an intentionally invited one.
(154) At any rate, Lady Heterodyne is not offering to build a search-and-locate clank. Yet.
(155) Oh my. I have been... I believe the term is "fanficced": http://mongoose-writes.weebly.com/the-ambassador.html …
(156) I really don't know what to say. I'm not sure I would have the confidence to do that. Still... *blush*
(157a) Well, that little interlude has got me thinking about Master Gil; not, I confess, my favourite subject of reflection.
(157b) But if von Blitzengaard starts causing trouble, I shall probably need to. I can't imagine Master Gil will just sit back and let him.
(158a) So if von Blitzengaard attacks us, there is a chance that Gil will get involved. And if so... oh, Lord. He'll bring Dupree.
(158b) ...oh, calm down, Wooster. Yes, she's a dangerous psychopath, but you've beaten her before and you can again. Now stop it.
(159a) Lady Heterodyne says I should stop thinking about all the things that could happen and just deal with them when they do, since they will.
(159b) Well, yes. But I would like to have at least some idea of what I may find myself having to deal with.
(160a) I know what's wrong with me. I need some action. Not just things blowing up in the vicinity, but something I can get involved in.
(160b) I'm so tightly wound that I think I'd take on von Blitzengaard in a fight. It's not that I'm aggressive; I just need to do something.
(161) As soon as I get the chance, I'm going to ask to play the organ again. Toccatas and fugues cure quite a number of ills.
22 October
(162a) Made unguarded remark about punching von Blitzengaard on the nose. Apologised immediately to Violetta. He is, after all, her cousin.
(162b) She reacted... unexpectedly. She said, "Wooster, if you punch Martellus on the nose, I shall probably smooch you."
(162c) Zeetha said my face was a picture. Well. One wouldn't say something like that in England.
(163) Anyway, don't I recall that Violetta is pining for Moloch von Zinzer? No, don't even think about it. It doesn't mean the same over here.
(164) It would really help if I hadn't just overheard Zeetha betting Violetta she wouldn't really smooch "that over-analytical stuffed shirt".
(165a) Oh, the crafty... Chapeau, Zeetha. Now I understand. You never "fail to notice" when someone is in earshot. You meant me to hear that.
(165b) Zeetha knows we both like a challenge. She's trying to set us up. I had no idea she thought so well of me; she hides it well.
(165c) Well, I am flattered, but I am not biting. Violetta is an excellent young lady, but she is a Sturmvoraus. Enough said.
(166) Besides, these mind games are not helping to locate the Lady Selnikov. I think, until we are actually attacked, she is the main priority.
(167) I need to concentrate. Brother Ulm is twitchy, but that could be because of Lady Heterodyne. There's too much I don't know.
(168a) No, it's not just Lady Heterodyne who is making Brother Ulm twitchy. It's the thought of Lady Selnikov loose in the fortress.
(168b) In fact, twitchy is an understatement. He's terrified, though he's trying to hide it behind dourness.
(169a) Ah, that old familiar feeling. The one you get when you realise that what you thought was relative safety may, in fact, be a powder keg.
(169b) I can't afford to be darkly amused, however. I have to get Lady Heterodyne to Paris or die in the attempt.
(170a) The odds are starting to look impossible. I'm not some kind of hero. I don't do impossible odds.
(170b) So I'm just going to have to hope I get the chance to deal with one set of possible odds at a time, am I not?
(171) And, on a totally irrelevant note, I am still raising an eyebrow at the idea that Krosp should be included in the concept "gentlemen".
(172) If Master Gil does turn up, will he bring Higgs? That could be interesting. I have a good idea where Higgs' loyalties really lie.
(173a) Lady Heterodyne is right. The closer things are to going completely to hell, the less I worry about them.
(173b) I am quite perverse, really, when I think about it.
[RT @girlgenius] Wednesday's page is up, and we are getting ready to fly to Denver for MileHiCon this weekend. Also, we have... http://fb.me/7aumA5iGH
(174) But... I am still worried about Dimo. I wish he were here. Preferably with a hundred more of his kind. The Jägers are staunch friends.
(175) Ah, tea and scones. Chaos is about to break out in all directions, but at least there are tea and scones. I approve!
23 October
(176a) I am now starting to make sense of Brother Ulm's motivation for trying to kill Lady Heterodyne; not that that exonerates him.
(176b) As I said earlier in relation to Lady Selnikov, never underestimate a terrified person. It bears repetition, as it is generally true.
(177a) I am guessing that there is some kind of powerful spark device here, quite possibly a power source in its own right. It would explain much.
(177b) If Brother Ulm is terrified at the idea of Lady Selnikov getting near it, he must be even more afraid of Lady Heterodyne doing so.
(178a) He would have known who she was because of the confessional. I was more circumspect; not sure whether I should be ashamed or proud.
(178b) I confessed I was a British agent sent to escort the passenger who would join us at Clankshead. I gave no hint that I knew who she was.
(179a) Oh, and I am not going to move just because Zeetha is looking at me like that. I'm standing next to Violetta because there's a space there.
(179b) If I did move, it would look as though I'd stood there deliberately. So I am staying put.
(180a) Oh, and if I do get killed, someone please tell Krosp he can have those spare buttons. I don't trust him enough to tell him myself.
(180b) Of course he'll survive. He's a blasted cat.
(181a) The Abbot is a much cooler customer than Brother Ulm. That is reassuring, when I think about it.
(181b) He probably knows things that Brother Ulm doesn't.
(182a) It's at times like these, when the midden is about to hit the windmill full tilt, that I always remember what Uncle Septimus once said.
(182b) And I really, really wish I didn't. It's not repeatable.
(183) I wonder if this gun will be enough? Really, I think I could do with a longer-range weapon. Still, bit late to think of that now.
(184) I have been drawn. In realistic style. Not sure I like it; shouldn't sit for a portrait when possibly going to die.
---
Notes
(94a) “Dreamt that the engine picked up Dimo...” I actually had this dream myself. And by that stage I knew what had happened to Dimo, even though Mr Wooster didn't.
(94b) “Brother Matthias is a spark...” This is canonical.
(95a) “...this sartorial solecism”. As mentioned in a previous note, Mr Wooster wears shirts with detachable collars and cuffs. As well as cufflinks, this means he needs shirt studs (to fasten the shirt itself; the shirt he's wearing at this point in the story fastens at the back, which was not unusual for the time period), cuff studs, and a front and back collar stud. The front collar stud is longer than its counterpart at the back because it has to go through more layers. He's had to substitute a shirt stud for his front collar stud, and that doesn't have the same length, so it's going to be obvious unless he covers it, because it will pull the fabric. Oh, the headaches of a Victorian man who aimed to be well-dressed!
(98a) “...my long thermals”. We have not so far seen what Mr Wooster's underclothing looks like in canon; to my mind this means he's had a pretty lucky escape so far, given the amount of time some of the other characters spend running around in their negligibles. However, I'm assuming that, just as his outer clothing is more historically accurate than anyone else's, so too is his underwear, and he's therefore got a nice substantial pair of drawers for summer, a vest to add to them for cooler days, and a thermal union suit or set of combinations for winter. I am pretty certain he never wears anything as modern-looking as the little briefs which (barely) decorate the paper-doll version of Maxim. To be honest, I think the little briefs are nothing more than unabashed fanservice, and Mr Wooster is far too modest to be pressed into fanservice. (Isn't he? Come on, please tell me he is – I don't want to see any Wooster sauce!)
(100b) “He told Lady Heterodyne that he had already killed him...” That was here. There is good reason to suppose that neither Agatha nor Mr Wooster believes that, and it's at least partly here. If Lady Selnikov, who is one of the Sturmvoraus family, is still talking about Tarvek as though he's alive, then Mr Wooster at least has a good reason to believe that he probably is, since he wasn't there at the time when Martellus said he had killed Tarvek and didn't see what actually happened. This is less likely to convince Agatha, but then she may well have some wishful thinking going on, combined with the fact that she knows Tarvek very well and probably rates him as a good deal sneakier than Martellus.
(100c) “I fear von Blitzengaard lacks subtlety.” I'm so pleased with this. It's quintessential Wooster.
(105) “...a Moldovian Puff.” This was actually mentioned earlier, but Mr Wooster was out of earshot at the time, and I don't suppose Krosp was going to tell him!
(106) “...the same cat.” Joke pinched shamelessly from Terry Pratchett, although the original was “the same dog” (with reference to Gaspode's ancestry).
(107) “I lit a candle.” Sometimes, you roleplay a character and they articulate something really profound that you'd never have been able to put into words without them. Mr Wooster's “tiny daily acts of defiance” mostly don't appear in canon, and there is a good reason for that; they would slow down the story even further, and it already moves very slowly due to the limitations of the format. (Not that I'm complaining. It's an awesome story.) Nonetheless, as someone who struggles with anxiety myself and used to struggle with depression too, I know they must be happening. There is no other way he'd be coping at all, in the position he's in. He's basically had to become his own therapist. That is why, in the Twitter feed, he's often seen helping other people around him (which is win-win), playing music when he gets the chance, or simply taking himself in hand and reminding himself that in fact he can cope when he's actually thrown into a crisis, no matter how difficult the waiting period is. Brave young man; it's one thing to be able to handle all the external stuff – and he's got plenty of that on his plate – but quite another to be able to pull your own inner demons into line at the same time.
(108a) “...a republican sentiment.” Again, this is something that has to be viewed by the standards of the time. Because Mr Wooster not only comes from a monarchy but is specifically loyal to his Queen, Krosp thinks he is insulting him by insinuating that he is a republican. Mr Wooster, however, takes a more nuanced view of the matter.
(112b) “The Life of the Spider”. I read this book when I was eight years old, at the house of a distant cousin. Over forty years later I can still remember how it gripped me. I've never seen spiders the same way since.
(113b) “...Robert the Bruce...” The legend goes that Robert the Bruce was exiled in a cave, and one day he found himself watching a spider building its web. Every time he destroyed the web, the spider patiently rebuilt it, and Robert the Bruce took this as a lesson never to give up. I also think he should have taken it as a lesson to stop wantonly destroying the work of some innocent spider who'd never done anything to offend him, but then that's Fabre's influence for you. I like spiders.
(114b) “...the commonest member of our party.” He is, indeed. There's Lady Heterodyne, of course. Zeetha is a Princess of Skifander, Violetta is cousin to the Storm King (assuming that Tarvek is still alive and has been able to defend his title), and even Krosp is supposedly the Emperor of All Cats, although the ginger tom has clearly been arguing about that. And if you count Lady Selnikov among the party, that's another aristocrat. Sometimes it must be like public school all over again.
(118c) “...and explain that she had got lost.” Which, of course, was a flat lie, and that's surprisingly uncanonical; I can't find a single incident in canon where he does tell a direct lie of any kind. I defend it on the grounds of extraordinary measures. Nadia Petrovna had got herself into some hot water, and the chivalrous Mr Wooster, feeling that her actions had been simply misguided rather than morally wrong, did what he could to mitigate them. I think he'd lie if he had to, to save someone else from something bad that he didn't feel they truly deserved.
(119a) “I don't care what anyone says.” At this point, he doesn't say who he's been arguing with. That was deliberate. He's so angry that he is afraid he may say something unfair about his antagonist if he says who they are.
(119b) “...someone I used to regard as a friend.” Gilgamesh Wulfenbach, of course. Gil's previous reputation as a libertine is referenced here by Mr Wooster himself, and in terms which strongly suggest that Mr Wooster did not behave similarly. (The line “I... I believe I do, sir” suggests that he has had at least one love affair of some kind, and not a happy one, but the overall context rules out the idea that he went round painting Paris red in the way Gil did.)
(120a) “Now I know why I'm angry.” This was actually Mr Wooster and me being angry in synchrony, and for the same reason. I'd been looking for fanfic with him in it, and hadn't been able to find any (except for the stories I myself wrote) which didn't make him out to be a steampunk James Bond. And – I'm going to say this, though it won't make me popular – I really hate James Bond. Hate him with a passion. I think he's an absolute sociopath; he uses people. Mr Wooster is forced to do that to some extent because of his job, but he does it as little as he can possibly get away with, whereas Bond doesn't appear to care. There is also the whole macho thing, which Bond has very much bought into and Mr Wooster hasn't. (I mean, how do you suppose Bond would have reacted in this situation? Even allowing for the fact that Mr Wooster is still very conscious of Gil's threat, this is the reaction of a well-brought-up Victorian, not a modern character.) So, on one level this tweet was Mr Wooster being angry that Krosp (as we later find) was trying to push him into a stereotype which went against his principles, and on another level it was me being angry that other people were.
(122b) “Never having seen me in love...” Actually, nobody has so far, so I'm not entirely sure what a lovestruck Mr Wooster looks like either. But since he clearly doesn't fall in love often or we'd have known about it, I'm guessing that when he does, he doesn't do it by halves. At this point in the story I am actually wondering whether Wooster/Violetta might be a possibility, even though Violetta was still missing von Zinzer when we last heard anything about the state of her affections; after all, she's got some pretty stiff competition for von Zinzer, and anyone who's capable of falling for von Zinzer is not going to mind dealing with a man who gets stressed easily. I'm not particularly rooting for it or anything, just wondering about it. That, incidentally, is why I have taken some care to ensure that all Mr Wooster's interactions with Violetta referred to on Twitter have been positive, just in case it does happen. And, in any case, she's much nicer to him in canon than Zeetha is.
(133c) “I shall just have to go in there and do my best.” Having just panicked about it and then collected himself again. He'll end up with this line engraved on his tombstone, and I do very much hope he isn't going to come by that tombstone in the course of the story. If the Foglios were George R R Martin, he definitely would.
(135a) “Brother Maurice has given me some advice.” When I was about Mr Wooster's age, I was given the same advice in pretty much exactly the same words by an older chap by the name of Maurice, and as you see I've never forgotten. This Maurice, however, was not a monk. He was an Irish folk musician who, moments after delivering his words of wisdom, crashed to the floor because he was too drunk to stay on his feet. I should imagine he's no longer with us, the rate he drank; but he was a decent bloke all the same. Rest in peace, Maurice, and I hope you'll forgive me for making a monk of you.
(136) “We are now talking to the Abbot.” And I expect we shall be all week, given the pace of narrative time. Mr Wooster is going to have to get very introspective for a while to cover it, I think. Not that he has any difficulty with that.
(137) “...Lady Selnikov has disappeared.” Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. Here is a four-word object lesson on the dangers of trying to roleplay any GG character in real (story) time. Mr Wooster has already made several references to Lady Selnikov about the fortress; I had no idea this was going to happen. She was last seen on the train, and was not with the party when they disembarked, but I had concluded that she simply wanted to get away from Agatha, being nervous of her. As to where she's gone, I have no idea, but Mr Wooster can certainly use up some Twitter time in speculating. I'm assuming she must still be in the fortress somewhere, as she would not be safe outside it.
(138b) “Would she be prepared to kill...?” Good question, Mr Wooster. Yes, she would. Of course, Mr Wooster doesn't know that happened; as far as he's concerned, he's just asking a theoretical question. But, as his next tweet shows, he knows from his own experience not to underestimate a scared person.
(140) “...she may have suborned a monk...” We later find that she has done exactly that.
(141b) “...I enjoy those rather more than I really should.” There is nothing wrong with enjoying cat and mouse games, and indeed in Mr Wooster's profession it is a positive asset. But the point here is that he's very good at them, and he's reluctant to say anything that sounds like boasting.
(144) “...a very bulky man who moves oddly.” That is most clearly visible here, in the bottom right panel. Just from personal experience, two of my best friends are built on similar lines to the Abbot, and I can tell you they don't walk anything like that. If they did, they'd land on their noses. Also, his habit drapes all wrongly for normal human legs. I don't know what Mr Wooster's imagining, but I'm kind of thinking wheels here.
(145b) “Oh frabjous day.” Mr Wooster is using it with uncharacteristically heavy sarcasm here, but this is, of course, a quote from Lewis Carroll's Jabberwocky. (Incidentally, Mr Wooster would be even more worried if he knew what Cousin Seffie had been up to lately; but he doesn't, and neither, thankfully, does Violetta.)
(148c) “I pride myself on that.” Oh, Mr Wooster! Are you getting so excited about the idea of a possible fugitive chase that your rather excessive modesty is slipping? Excellent!
(150a) “The matter of clothing is becoming an unnecessary distraction.” Indeed, because he lost all his luggage along with everyone else, as mentioned previously. I'm sure he's washing things late at night in his room and drying them in front of the fire, but it's still a bit of a push when he has more important things to think about. Even though I do love the waistcoat he happens to be stuck with!
(152) “...I may be able to stop him sending all of them.” Mr Wooster is worried specifically about Brother Finn, who is showing signs of failing eyesight, and more generally about the older and more infirm monks. He is probably worrying unnecessarily, because the Abbot is a great deal sassier than he is choosing to appear at the moment, as we have seen in his previous dealings with Brother Ulm.
(158b) “...a dangerous psychopath...” I'm not 100% sure this term is correct for the time period, but it's certainly the most succinct way of describing Bangladesh Dupree that I can think of.
(162c) “One wouldn't say something like that in England.” Mr Wooster's shock here follows completely logically from the way he is portrayed in canon. Even if he's attracted to Violetta (and, as I've previously mentioned, that is not impossible), he's going to find this remark very hard to process, because he comes from a much more authentically 19th-century culture than the other characters do. He would therefore not consider it proper to kiss someone unless he was at least engaged to them, though perhaps, being surrounded by the other characters, he might unbend enough to kiss someone with whom he was in a steady relationship. The idea of being kissed out of the blue has just blown all his cogs!
(165a) “Chapeau, Zeetha.” This expression is still in use, but it's probably old-fashioned enough to be unfamiliar to some readers. Chapeau is French for “hat”, and this is a shorthand way of saying that he raises his hat to Zeetha in admiration. She nearly managed to pull the wool over his eyes, and she would have succeeded if he had not recalled the fact that her warrior training gives her excellent (indeed, almost supernatural) awareness of where people are around her. Once he realises that, he very quickly reaches the obvious conclusion. This little episode is, of course, completely non-canonical, but since it's self-contained, that's not a problem. (Unless we really do end up with this debatable pairing in canon at some point, in which case I shall naturally lose no opportunity to hark back to it!)
(167) “Brother Ulm is twitchy...” And we're right back with the Abbot and Brother Ulm. In the comic, we've never actually left them. The side conversations are just a literary device.
(168b) “He's terrified...” Well, he would be, in view of this.
(170b) “...one set of possible odds at a time...” On a personal note, I can vouch for the fact that Mr Wooster was having a much better mental health day than I was.
(172) “...where Higgs' loyalties really lie.” To start with, the answer to Mr Wooster's original question is no. If Gil shows up – which he will, by the look of things – Higgs won't be with him, because he volunteered to stay with Captain Vole. Mr Wooster's observation about Higgs' loyalties is based on the sequence of events shown here, here and here. He will know about the first two parts of the sequence from Zeetha and/or Violetta, and the third follows logically from the first two. (Incidentally, I'm puzzled at Dupree's allegation that Higgs is using Zeetha. I can see no evidence that this is true. All I can think is that it hasn't yet occurred to Dupree to question the thought that his primary loyalty is to Gil; but if Higgs is using anyone in this situation, then arguably it is Gil.)
(180a) “...he can have those spare buttons.” This is a reference to tweet 6 and subsequent events, not to canon.
(182a) “...when the midden is about to hit the windmill...” I have no idea if the expression for which this is a euphemism is correct for the period, but I do know that Mr Wooster wouldn't say the original. This way of putting it is, as far as I'm aware, down to Terry Pratchett.
(184) "I have been drawn." And you don't quite like it, Mr Wooster? Well, I don't blame you, as I'm still learning to draw. But if you want to look happier in a drawing, talk to me again when you're feeling less grim and I shall happily try another portrait.