Here is the first full week of Ardsley Wooster's Twitter account. He's got quite a lot to say.
I've numbered the tweets for reference; some of them have notes attached, which are at the bottom of the page. A tweet with a note is numbered in boldface. Tweets with a sub-number, such as (24a) and (24b), were originally tweeted together as a group and are intended to be read as such.
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10 October 2014
(1) The Corbettites are very hospitable. They even found me a clean collar and cuffs. The difference such little things make!
(2) Lady Heterodyne says I worry too much. That may be true, but someone has to think about what could go horribly wrong next.
(3) The Corbettites are fasting today; nonetheless, they provided us with a most excellent lunch. Feel a little guilty about enjoying it.
(4) And now I shall see if I can make myself useful to the monks in return for their hospitality. This must be difficult for them, after all.
(5) Been chopping firewood alongside some of the novices. They were chatty. Now to see how the ladies and Krosp are doing.
(6) Krosp is trying to cadge my spare buttons. Certainly not, cat. I lost my luggage along with everyone else.
(7) Going to evening service later. For some reason Lady Selnikov wants to come with me. Perhaps she has decided I am useful after all?
(8) Evening service was certainly interesting. Have never heard an organ played like that before. Very... railway.
(9) Carrier clank pigeon arrived from one of my contacts. Impressed it found me. Still no news of Dimo. Worried.
(10) Oh my. Master Gil is on this Twitter thing. *follows him discreetly*
11 October
(11) More snow; have been helping the monks to clear it. With all this exercise, should be in decent shape for the inevitable fight.
(12a) Krosp has not spoken to me since he complained about the soup and I suggested he should catch a rat. Still think he wants my spare buttons.
(12b) I have taken the precaution of removing them and sewing them elsewhere about my apparel. He is sneaky.
(12c) Even though, as Violetta concisely puts it, he Fails at Cat.
(13a) Playing chess with Lady Heterodyne. Well, we wouldn't want her getting bored and building clanks. It might not go down well here.
(13b) And on a not unrelated note, that's the last time I play a fianchetto against her.
(14) Ah, Miss Zeetha will have her little joke. I have considered retaliating, but she appears to be unembarrassable.
(15a) Have just had to resort to fisticuffs. A big Dutchman who has been constantly complaining took a swipe at Brother Finn.
(15b) Brother Finn is about seven stone soaking wet. I hit the Dutchman quite scientifically.
(15c) And if he'd bothered to help shovel snow earlier, he might have made a better show of hitting back. Tsk.
(16) We are all wondering when von Blitzengaard is going to show up. I'm getting twitchy.
(17a) Heard noise behind me. Turned to see Violetta pinning that Dutchman to the ground with a knife at his throat. Now I owe her one.
(17b) Awfully glad it wasn't Zeetha. She'd still have saved my life, but she'd have given me grief about my reflexes for ever after.
(18) Don't know what to say to Lady Heterodyne about Dimo. If he hasn't been found, hope that means he's still alive. But there's the snow.
(19) About to go and help in the kitchens. It will be useful, and will distract me from looking out for von Blitzengaard's forces.
(20) The Dutchman came and apologised. He looked shaken. Brother Finn said the Abbot had had a little word with him.
(21) Krosp is speaking to me again. This is a mixed blessing.
(22) Ludicrous and rather painful incident involving Krosp. Will now have to sit up late repairing the lining of my waistcoat.
(23) When I went into this profession, I was ready for the danger and the intrigue. But I never expected so much sheer embarrassment.
(24a) Overcome by sudden, unexpected attack of homesickness just now. Zeetha, of all people, sympathetic.
(24b) Of course; it's even worse for her than it is for me. Will try to remember that next time she winds me up.
12 October
(25a) More snow, more shovelling. Interestingly, the Dutchman is also helping this time. His name is Piet van Kleek.
(25b) He wants to know why a gentleman like me is shovelling. Ironic. Explained I was a scholarship boy and have worked for all I have.
(25c) I don't think he really understood, but then he's Dutch. The Dutch don't do snobbery much. It is a point in their favour.
(26) Aaaaaaaaargh. What if von Blitzengaard has found Dimo? It doesn't bear thinking about.
(27a) Lady Heterodyne has asked me to play chess again. She is kind enough to tell me I make her think.
(27b) Am not totally sure I believe her, but am very flattered nonetheless.
(28) Krosp is an irritating chess audience. I finally challenged him to a game when this one is finished. He took me up on it.
(29) Have just trounced Krosp at chess. The ladies are most amused. Krosp now not speaking to any of us.
(30) I know what Brother Ulm tried to do, and I still want a word with him about it. However, I have not seen him since we got off the train.
(31) I have moments when I wish I were a Jäger. Their insouciant attitude is enviable. However, I doubt my family would approve.
(32a) Van Kleek has been asking about Zeetha. I told him she was romantically involved with a Wulfenbach airman. Did not further describe Higgs.
(32b) Van Kleek's response was: "But he's not actually here?" Admitted that he is not, but warned van Kleek off. This could get messy.
(33a) Van Kleek is now refusing to let us take him to the infirmary in case he ends up in more trouble with the Abbot. I did warn him.
(33b) Zeetha says that if he tries that again, she will make a eunuch of him. Although not in quite those words and with additional... detail.
(34) Still no sign of von Blitzengaard. Is it too much to hope that he's lost us? I fear I am more worried than Lady Selnikov.
(35) I need to keep reminding myself that once the fighting starts, I will be fine, because I always am. It's just the waiting and uncertainty.
(36) Been helping Brother Finn with the beehives. They are actual bees, not tiny killer clanks. We now have honey.
(37) Can't shake the feeling that Lady Selnikov is assessing me. I hope she isn't going to try to recruit me. I have enough loyalties as it is.
(38) Brother Finn says he's praying for me. Not entirely sure what prompted that, but I am still very touched.
[RT @girlgenius] More bears! Monday's Girl Genius page is up!--Kaja http://fb.me/3lCslQsc6
13 October
(39) Shovelling snow again. No sign of van Kleek. I suspect he is still recovering from Zeetha's tender ministrations.
(40) I suppose while we're here I should write a report. There is a postal service. The monks get letters.
(41) Having trouble with my report. There is nothing in the code book that enables me to describe those bears appropriately.
(42a) This gets worse. Brother Finn wants to stay in touch, so I'm going to have to put him in the report too. I know exactly what they'll say.
(42b) "Oh, well done, Wooster, you've got a contact among the Corbettites." Yes. Technically. But what I've actually done is made a friend.
(42c) You know, there are moments when I hate this job.
(43) Right, that's the report written. I shall go and rejoin the ladies and see if Krosp is speaking to us again yet.
(44) Lady Heterodyne has found an old harpsichord, and the monks are letting her play it. Wonderful! She plays strange, but beautiful, music.
(45) Lady Heterodyne's music unsettled the clanks. Things got unnecessarily interesting for a while. However, all is now calm again.
(46a) Having convinced the monks I am not a spark, I have been playing some soothing Handel.
(46b) Would rather like to play some Gilbert & Sullivan, but I'm not sure it's quite the thing for a monastery.
(47a) Van Kleek has a hole in his sock and wants someone to darn it. Offered to show him how. That did not go down well.
(47b) Well, if he's too proud to darn his own socks, I'm afraid that's his funeral.
(48) Have finally seen the Abbot. He has a remarkable pair of non-matching mechanical arms. Am wondering what happened, and about his legs.
(49a) Now that cad von Kleek wants me to play cards. Presumably nobody else will. Neither will I; I've had enough of him.
(49b) Van Kleek, not von Kleek. One shouldn't spell a fellow's name wrong, no matter how irritating he is.
(50) Very cold evening. Violetta and I are going to have a friendly sparring match to keep warm. She'll win, of course, but it's good practice.
(51) Now slightly bruised, but much warmer and in a good mood. I also did better than I expected.
(52) Krosp has been sneaking pickled gherkins from the kitchen. Seems an extraordinary thing for a cat to like.
14 October
(53a) Have done something to my shoulder shovelling snow. It's nothing much, and Violetta says she has something that will help.
(53b) However, Lady Heterodyne now wants to build a flame-throwing clank to clear the snow. What could possibly go wrong?
(54) Have just been watching Krosp attempting to interact with a large ginger tom. That was... instructive. And quite amusing.
(55a) Lady Selnikov just called me "dear". Am alarmed. It is likely to mean that she wants me to do something extremely dangerous.
(55b) Or, just possibly, marry her daughter, if she has one. Although that would also count as dangerous in the circumstances.
(56) Even if von Blitzengaard doesn't show up, how are we going to leave? It's already clear the lines are no longer safe.
(57) Shelling peas in the kitchen, and inexplicably hankering for Abernethy biscuits.
(58a) All peas now shelled. I would love to know how the monks get fresh vegetables at this time of year, but they are evasive on the subject.
(58b) It's either special greenhouses or some arcane form of storage. This place is full of secrets.
(59) Now, what was it again that I told myself I needed to remember next time Zeetha wound me up...?
(60) One of the monks has been out and says he saw a Jäger, but was not able to describe him well enough for me to know if he was Dimo or not.
(61) Lady Heterodyne has just said she is bored. Why is it that I always think about altering my will when she says that?
(62a) Introduced Lady Heterodyne and Brother Finn. She asked him about St Szpac, and things moved on to lives of the saints in general.
(62b) And their deaths, which were usually gruesome. I shall never see a fish slice again without thinking of the martyrdom of St Ardulphus.
(63) I'm very glad Captain Dupree isn't hearing these martyrdom stories. The last thing she needs is more inspiration.
(64) Lady Selnikov asked if I'd lost my hairbrush. No. I just run my hands through my hair when I'm worried.
(65) Krosp swears that ginger tom is deliberately out to annoy him. I have absolutely no comment to make.
(66) If we make it to Paris alive, I'm seeing a tailor. I'm really not sure how much longer I can go without a coat in this weather.
[RT @girlgenius] Wednesday's page is...UP! We're back to Agatha, who is just now missing a Jäger... http://fb.me/1AmU7OCkb
15 October
(67a) Accident while clearing snow this morning. Brother Tadeusz and I were clearing a flight of steps, and he fell.
(67b) I was clearing from the bottom, so was able to catch him, but he was still hurt. Took him to the infirmary.
(68) Startled just now by an eldritch wail. However, it turned out to be only Krosp and the ginger tom having a Kilkenny moment.
(69) As far as I can judge, both cats think they have won the fight. Thankfully Krosp didn't ask me to adjudicate.
(70) This isn't getting us to England, nor even to Paris. I confess I feel rather useless at the moment.
(71a) I fear that Zeetha is being rather too sanguine with respect to Dimo. Jägers are certainly tough, but that was a formidable blow he took.
(71b) He flew into the air like a shuttlecock and landed in freezing snow. Even for a Jäger, hypothermia must have been a risk.
(72) Just seen Brother Tadeusz on crutches. He has sprained his ankle, but fortunately nothing worse.
(73a) Nobody is blaming Violetta for her relatives. I do, however, feel her pain to some extent.
(73b) I'm quite embarrassed enough about my Uncle Septimus without being related to the Sturmvoraus family.
(73c) No, I am not going to say any more about Uncle Septimus. *cough*
(74a) And while we're on the subject of the Sturmvoraus family, I'd like to know who was behind those bears.
(74b) Certainly not von Blitzengaard, or he would be here himself by now. But they were after Lady Selnikov.
(75) I must disagree with Zeetha. Alcohol will not help my low mood. I think I shall go and play that harpsichord again, which will help.
(76) One of my recurring nightmares these days is that I shall end up as a character in a bad Heterodyne farce.
(77a) I played the harpsichord for a while until Krosp joined me and started singing along.
(77b) Far be it from me to discourage anyone, but I do feel that if Krosp wants to sing he should start with something easier than Purcell.
(78a) Escorting Lady Heterodyne across Europa is much like escorting a lighted match through a pile of tinder.
(78b) This is why I feel that a state of constant mild panic is actually not unreasonable, given the circumstances.
(79) Great Scott. Was that really van Kleek who walked past a moment ago, wearing a novice's habit?
(80) I checked with Brother Finn. Van Kleek really has joined the Corbettites. It appears that he has had a steam conversion experience.
16 October
(81) No new snow, but there was more firewood to chop. The way van Kleek wields an axe is frankly terrifying.
(82a) There is an elderly Russian lady who has suddenly started looking daggers at me whenever she sees me. This is very curious.
(82b) I am sure I have not met her personally before, nor the young lady she is with.
(83a) Am now investigating the Russian lady. I think it wise to try to establish whether this is just a casual dislike or something more serious.
(83b) After all, I have sometimes had to inconvenience Russians in the course of duty. Occasionally, I regret to say, fatally.
(83c) I'm not proud of that. But sometimes it is kill or be killed.
(84) The lady is a Madame Klimenko from St Petersburg. She is governess to the other lady, Nadia Petrovna Burova. This rings no bells.
(85) I have completely drawn a blank on Madame Klimenko. Perhaps she just dislikes the British. I am, after all, wearing an insignia.
(86) Happened to mention Madame Klimenko to Zeetha. She laughed at me and asked me what the hell kind of master spy I was. Am flummoxed.
(87a) Ah. It seems I am the only one who has not noticed the looks Nadia Petrovna has been giving me. She has not been glaring at me, er, at all.
(87b) Yes, well. That explains everything. How deucedly embarrassing. I shall have to pretend I haven't noticed; it's the only decent thing.
(87c) As for what kind of master spy I am, I'm certainly not the sort who trifles with anyone's affections. And that's all on the subject.
(88) I've been told I need one of these: http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1203 … I really can't see it working with my waistcoat, though.
(89) On the plus side, nothing has actually exploded yet.
(90a) Dozed off just now. Dreamt I was back at Cambridge playing cricket. Must not dwell on that, or I shall get maudlin.
(90b) Instead, I shall go round and see if anyone has any news of Dimo yet. I'm starting to feel he must be alive, or he would have been found.
(91a) Lady Heterodyne has invented a new game. It is rather like draughts in three dimensions. It is quite hard to play.
(91b) The mechanics of it are very ingenious, though, as one would expect.
(92a) Good! I have finished mapping this place in my head, as far as is possible. A lot of space is completely unaccounted for, however.
(92b) There are rooms we know about that we are not allowed in, but there must be a great deal else beyond those, especially at ground level.
(93a) Thinking about this logically: this is an isolated fortress. The one thing it's vulnerable to is seige. And the monks are not stupid.
(93b) I'd make an educated guess that there are going to be tunnels down there.
(93c) Siege, for goodness' sake. I am obviously too tired to spell and should go and get some rest.
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Notes
(1) "...a clean collar and cuffs." Mr Wooster is the most historically accurate character in the comic when it comes to dress. Victorian dress shirts were always white, and they had detachable collars and cuffs, which is why one occasionally finds characters in Victorian fiction scribbling notes on their cuffs. They could just take them off and replace them, without having to change the whole shirt. It's worth noticing that Gil, despite massively outranking Mr Wooster, is not nearly so particular about his shirts; here, you can see him wearing a shirt which quite clearly has a fixed collar.
(6) "I lost my luggage..." When this happened. Zeetha was able to separate the rear three coaches from the rest of the train just in time. The luggage was further forward, just behind the engine.
(7) "...useful after all?" Lady Selnikov does not seem to think Mr Wooster very useful in this panel.
(10) "Master Gil is on this Twitter thing." He's @gilwulfenbach, though his account wasn't active when Mr Wooster found him. Let's hope that changes, as it could be amusing. (Of course, Mr Wooster is going to be in two minds about that possibility!)
(12c) "...he Fails at Cat". I had to put those words into Violetta's mouth because Mr Wooster just wouldn't talk like that. In the comic, I'm assuming that he is not speaking English and we are therefore getting his words in translation; hence it's not a complete cringe moment when he says something like "a mighty good day's work", which no Englishman of the period would ever say. But he tweets in his native language, so I have to make him sound right. I have a good rule of thumb: if Sherlock Holmes would phrase it like that, it's correct for the period.
(13b) "...a fianchetto..." For non-chess-players, this is an opening manoeuvre in which one or both bishops is/are parked at the side of the board, defended by pawns and attacking between them. I don't play chess as well as Mr Wooster, but I do know enough not to like the manoeuvre. It seems to be less popular today than it once was.
(14) "Miss Zeetha will have her little joke." No need to go into specifics here; we already know that Zeetha likes winding Mr Wooster up. Of course, it is rather an easy thing to do!
(15b) "...seven stone soaking wet." For non-Brits, one stone is 14 lbs, so Mr Wooster thinks Brother Finn weighs about 98 lbs maximum. That could be a mild exaggeration, of course, but the point is that Brother Finn is very small and slight compared to his assailant. Mr Wooster's reaction is automatic, and on the side of justice.
(16) "I'm getting twitchy." And he's not afraid to admit it. Mr Wooster doesn't let fear stop him, though.
(18) This is what happened to Dimo, and it explains why Mr Wooster is worrying about him. In case it's not clear, he's the one flying through the air.
(22) "Ludicrous and rather painful incident..." No, I don't know. Mr Wooster was too embarrassed to tell me. But it's a pretty safe bet Krosp was still trying to steal his spare buttons.
(24b) "...even worse for her than it is for me." Mr Wooster is missing England, but at least he does still know where England is. Zeetha has no idea where to find Skifander. This is a rare moment of empathy between these two characters, who aren't normally the best of friends.
(25b) "...a gentleman like me..." It took me quite a lot of writing Mr Wooster to understand that, despite external appearances, he almost certainly doesn't consider himself to be a "gentleman" in the sense in which it was commonly understood at the time. To be a gentleman, he would have to have independent means, but here he is working for a living. He doesn't appear to be in any way ashamed of that fact, so, although there's nothing explicitly stated in canon, I'm going with the assumption that he's a scholarship boy from a respectable but not aristocratic family. The word "gentleman" may even be a little problematic for him, especially if he got trouble at school for not having a pedigree. (We'll revisit this idea later.)
(25c) "The Dutch don't do snobbery much." He has a fair point here. Whereas in England one historically had to be aristocratic to be anyone, in the Netherlands it was much more true that one simply had to have money. While that can certainly lead to its own kind of snobbery, it did also mean that there was a great deal less of the attitude that working for one's living was something to be looked down upon.
(30) "I know what Brother Ulm tried to do." But not the half, Mr Wooster, not the half. You weren't, for instance, around when he said this (bottom right frame). Also, you don't know what the Abbot knows. The reference here is actually to this single incident, which is obviously quite bad enough. (There's nothing in canon to say that Mr Wooster saw it, but he doesn't miss much.)
(33b) "...make a eunuch of him." Oh, Mr Wooster. What a true Victorian you are. I'm quite sure that's not at all how Zeetha really put it. *big grin*
(35) "...once the fighting starts, I will be fine..." He's right. Here's the incident with Dupree, which is my all-time favourite Wooster moment. He starts out scared senseless, which is an entirely reasonable response. The moment Dupree is distracted, he pulls himself together and starts thinking hard, until the unexpected happens, when he's scared again. And then we get this scene, which I think is sublime. He's got to run away afterwards, because she's got a gun and he hasn't (he lost that rifle he commandeered); but if he can be collected enough to do that to Dupree when she's about to kill him, he's going to be all right in a fight with anyone else. Even Martellus von Blitzengaard.
(37) "I have enough loyalties as it is." He certainly has. He's loyal to his country, despite the fact that it ended up treating him like this. He's loyal to Gil, at least to a certain extent and probably now rather reluctantly, despite the fact that Gil ended up treating him like this (a fact which must, surely, have ended their long-standing friendship). And he's loyal to Agatha, originally because of the other two loyalties; but I think the longer he goes on, the more he is inclined to be loyal to her simply for her own sake, because she's actually the only one of the three who continues to treat him decently.
(42c) "...moments when I hate this job." We know, old chap. They happen to us all. However, I don't get the impression Mr Wooster hates his job very often. He's supremely good at picking up information (notice how often he's used in the comic to provide detailed background information when it's needed, such as here and here), and he gets a lot of satisfaction from using it constructively. The trouble is, he's basically a nice person, and there are times when that clashes badly with spying.
(44) "...strange, but beautiful, music." Mr Wooster has forgotten what happened the last time he heard Agatha play music like that. Still, since he was concentrating on not being killed by Dupree at the time, that is perhaps understandable.
(48) "...seen the Abbot." This caused some slight confusion, because at this point he hasn't met the Abbot. However, he doesn't actually say he has, just that he's seen him, presumably walking around the fortress. The Abbot is easily recognisable because of his distinctive clothing, and his arms would certainly get someone's attention.
(57) "...Abernethy biscuits." Popular in England in the late nineteenth century, and recently, to my astonishment, I discovered that one can still buy them. I didn't. They look like something of an acquired taste.
(62b) "...the martyrdom of St Ardulphus". I don't know how you can martyr someone with a fish slice, and I'm not going to ask Mr Wooster. I suspect he'd prefer to forget.
(64) "I just run my hands through my hair when I'm worried." And we see him doing that quite frequently in canon, such as here, here and here. No wonder his hair tends to look untidy although the rest of him is always immaculate!
(68) "...having a Kilkenny moment." The reference is to a famous limerick: "There once were two cats of Kilkenny;/Each thought there was one cat too many,/so they fought and they fit,/they scratched and they bit,/till instead of two cats, there weren't any."
(70) "I feel rather useless at the moment." Oh, the irony. He's been helping the monks with odd jobs at every chance he gets; but of course that doesn't cross his mind, because all he can think about at that moment is the fact that they're delayed on their journey. Most of the time, he is very much inclined to underrate himself.
(76) "...a bad Heterodyne farce." This is almost a direct canonical quote, repurposed.
(77b) "...something easier than Purcell." Purcell is not actually so very hard to sing, provided you have a trained voice and some idea what you're doing. Krosp, of course, doesn't. At least Mr Wooster wasn't playing Bach, who was a wonderful composer but made no allowance for singers whatsoever.
(80) "...a steam conversion experience." Mr Wooster never makes terrible puns in canon, which is perhaps a shame. I think he might be quite good at them if he wanted. However, he's probably been brought up to believe that a pun is the lowest form of wit, so I imagine that here he is very drily quoting Brother Finn.
(83b) "Occasionally... fatally." This is actually referencing a piece of fanfic I'm still writing, in which we have a flashback where Mr Wooster is forced to kill someone for the first time. The "someone" in question is a Russian agent who is trying to kill both Mr Wooster and a third party. Mr Wooster does kill him, but then goes into a state of shock (it doesn't help that he's got a bullet in his shoulder). I wanted to bring out the fact that he can kill when he really must, but it doesn't in any way come naturally to him. I imagine this Russian agent is really haunting him during this episode.
(87a) "It seems I am the only one who has not noticed..." Usually he's far more observant than this, but he's been so busy trying to work out what's upsetting the older woman that he has barely noticed the younger one.
(87b) "It's the only decent thing." That is going to read strangely to modern eyes, and it probably lost me a follower. But, from Mr Wooster's viewpoint, it is perfectly consistent and moral. He has no feelings for the young woman, as he explains later in more detail. He can't say anything to her without getting her into trouble with her draconian governess, and, whatever his views on whether or not the governess should be exercising the amount of control that she is, the fact remains that it's happening. Nadia Petrovna has to travel with Madame Klimenko, and Mr Wooster is not going to damage relations between them any more than he can possibly avoid.
(88) In case the link doesn't work, it's a Worry Hat. With ear flaps. The principle is admirable, but the style is all wrong.
(90a) "...maudlin." No pun intended, though I realised there was a potential one after I'd tweeted it.
(92a) "I have finished mapping this place in my head..." It would have taken him quite a while. The fortress of St Szpac is pretty big. But it fits in with his general policy of absorbing all the information he can, in case it's useful.
I've numbered the tweets for reference; some of them have notes attached, which are at the bottom of the page. A tweet with a note is numbered in boldface. Tweets with a sub-number, such as (24a) and (24b), were originally tweeted together as a group and are intended to be read as such.
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10 October 2014
(1) The Corbettites are very hospitable. They even found me a clean collar and cuffs. The difference such little things make!
(2) Lady Heterodyne says I worry too much. That may be true, but someone has to think about what could go horribly wrong next.
(3) The Corbettites are fasting today; nonetheless, they provided us with a most excellent lunch. Feel a little guilty about enjoying it.
(4) And now I shall see if I can make myself useful to the monks in return for their hospitality. This must be difficult for them, after all.
(5) Been chopping firewood alongside some of the novices. They were chatty. Now to see how the ladies and Krosp are doing.
(6) Krosp is trying to cadge my spare buttons. Certainly not, cat. I lost my luggage along with everyone else.
(7) Going to evening service later. For some reason Lady Selnikov wants to come with me. Perhaps she has decided I am useful after all?
(8) Evening service was certainly interesting. Have never heard an organ played like that before. Very... railway.
(9) Carrier clank pigeon arrived from one of my contacts. Impressed it found me. Still no news of Dimo. Worried.
(10) Oh my. Master Gil is on this Twitter thing. *follows him discreetly*
11 October
(11) More snow; have been helping the monks to clear it. With all this exercise, should be in decent shape for the inevitable fight.
(12a) Krosp has not spoken to me since he complained about the soup and I suggested he should catch a rat. Still think he wants my spare buttons.
(12b) I have taken the precaution of removing them and sewing them elsewhere about my apparel. He is sneaky.
(12c) Even though, as Violetta concisely puts it, he Fails at Cat.
(13a) Playing chess with Lady Heterodyne. Well, we wouldn't want her getting bored and building clanks. It might not go down well here.
(13b) And on a not unrelated note, that's the last time I play a fianchetto against her.
(14) Ah, Miss Zeetha will have her little joke. I have considered retaliating, but she appears to be unembarrassable.
(15a) Have just had to resort to fisticuffs. A big Dutchman who has been constantly complaining took a swipe at Brother Finn.
(15b) Brother Finn is about seven stone soaking wet. I hit the Dutchman quite scientifically.
(15c) And if he'd bothered to help shovel snow earlier, he might have made a better show of hitting back. Tsk.
(16) We are all wondering when von Blitzengaard is going to show up. I'm getting twitchy.
(17a) Heard noise behind me. Turned to see Violetta pinning that Dutchman to the ground with a knife at his throat. Now I owe her one.
(17b) Awfully glad it wasn't Zeetha. She'd still have saved my life, but she'd have given me grief about my reflexes for ever after.
(18) Don't know what to say to Lady Heterodyne about Dimo. If he hasn't been found, hope that means he's still alive. But there's the snow.
(19) About to go and help in the kitchens. It will be useful, and will distract me from looking out for von Blitzengaard's forces.
(20) The Dutchman came and apologised. He looked shaken. Brother Finn said the Abbot had had a little word with him.
(21) Krosp is speaking to me again. This is a mixed blessing.
(22) Ludicrous and rather painful incident involving Krosp. Will now have to sit up late repairing the lining of my waistcoat.
(23) When I went into this profession, I was ready for the danger and the intrigue. But I never expected so much sheer embarrassment.
(24a) Overcome by sudden, unexpected attack of homesickness just now. Zeetha, of all people, sympathetic.
(24b) Of course; it's even worse for her than it is for me. Will try to remember that next time she winds me up.
12 October
(25a) More snow, more shovelling. Interestingly, the Dutchman is also helping this time. His name is Piet van Kleek.
(25b) He wants to know why a gentleman like me is shovelling. Ironic. Explained I was a scholarship boy and have worked for all I have.
(25c) I don't think he really understood, but then he's Dutch. The Dutch don't do snobbery much. It is a point in their favour.
(26) Aaaaaaaaargh. What if von Blitzengaard has found Dimo? It doesn't bear thinking about.
(27a) Lady Heterodyne has asked me to play chess again. She is kind enough to tell me I make her think.
(27b) Am not totally sure I believe her, but am very flattered nonetheless.
(28) Krosp is an irritating chess audience. I finally challenged him to a game when this one is finished. He took me up on it.
(29) Have just trounced Krosp at chess. The ladies are most amused. Krosp now not speaking to any of us.
(30) I know what Brother Ulm tried to do, and I still want a word with him about it. However, I have not seen him since we got off the train.
(31) I have moments when I wish I were a Jäger. Their insouciant attitude is enviable. However, I doubt my family would approve.
(32a) Van Kleek has been asking about Zeetha. I told him she was romantically involved with a Wulfenbach airman. Did not further describe Higgs.
(32b) Van Kleek's response was: "But he's not actually here?" Admitted that he is not, but warned van Kleek off. This could get messy.
(33a) Van Kleek is now refusing to let us take him to the infirmary in case he ends up in more trouble with the Abbot. I did warn him.
(33b) Zeetha says that if he tries that again, she will make a eunuch of him. Although not in quite those words and with additional... detail.
(34) Still no sign of von Blitzengaard. Is it too much to hope that he's lost us? I fear I am more worried than Lady Selnikov.
(35) I need to keep reminding myself that once the fighting starts, I will be fine, because I always am. It's just the waiting and uncertainty.
(36) Been helping Brother Finn with the beehives. They are actual bees, not tiny killer clanks. We now have honey.
(37) Can't shake the feeling that Lady Selnikov is assessing me. I hope she isn't going to try to recruit me. I have enough loyalties as it is.
(38) Brother Finn says he's praying for me. Not entirely sure what prompted that, but I am still very touched.
[RT @girlgenius] More bears! Monday's Girl Genius page is up!--Kaja http://fb.me/3lCslQsc6
13 October
(39) Shovelling snow again. No sign of van Kleek. I suspect he is still recovering from Zeetha's tender ministrations.
(40) I suppose while we're here I should write a report. There is a postal service. The monks get letters.
(41) Having trouble with my report. There is nothing in the code book that enables me to describe those bears appropriately.
(42a) This gets worse. Brother Finn wants to stay in touch, so I'm going to have to put him in the report too. I know exactly what they'll say.
(42b) "Oh, well done, Wooster, you've got a contact among the Corbettites." Yes. Technically. But what I've actually done is made a friend.
(42c) You know, there are moments when I hate this job.
(43) Right, that's the report written. I shall go and rejoin the ladies and see if Krosp is speaking to us again yet.
(44) Lady Heterodyne has found an old harpsichord, and the monks are letting her play it. Wonderful! She plays strange, but beautiful, music.
(45) Lady Heterodyne's music unsettled the clanks. Things got unnecessarily interesting for a while. However, all is now calm again.
(46a) Having convinced the monks I am not a spark, I have been playing some soothing Handel.
(46b) Would rather like to play some Gilbert & Sullivan, but I'm not sure it's quite the thing for a monastery.
(47a) Van Kleek has a hole in his sock and wants someone to darn it. Offered to show him how. That did not go down well.
(47b) Well, if he's too proud to darn his own socks, I'm afraid that's his funeral.
(48) Have finally seen the Abbot. He has a remarkable pair of non-matching mechanical arms. Am wondering what happened, and about his legs.
(49a) Now that cad von Kleek wants me to play cards. Presumably nobody else will. Neither will I; I've had enough of him.
(49b) Van Kleek, not von Kleek. One shouldn't spell a fellow's name wrong, no matter how irritating he is.
(50) Very cold evening. Violetta and I are going to have a friendly sparring match to keep warm. She'll win, of course, but it's good practice.
(51) Now slightly bruised, but much warmer and in a good mood. I also did better than I expected.
(52) Krosp has been sneaking pickled gherkins from the kitchen. Seems an extraordinary thing for a cat to like.
14 October
(53a) Have done something to my shoulder shovelling snow. It's nothing much, and Violetta says she has something that will help.
(53b) However, Lady Heterodyne now wants to build a flame-throwing clank to clear the snow. What could possibly go wrong?
(54) Have just been watching Krosp attempting to interact with a large ginger tom. That was... instructive. And quite amusing.
(55a) Lady Selnikov just called me "dear". Am alarmed. It is likely to mean that she wants me to do something extremely dangerous.
(55b) Or, just possibly, marry her daughter, if she has one. Although that would also count as dangerous in the circumstances.
(56) Even if von Blitzengaard doesn't show up, how are we going to leave? It's already clear the lines are no longer safe.
(57) Shelling peas in the kitchen, and inexplicably hankering for Abernethy biscuits.
(58a) All peas now shelled. I would love to know how the monks get fresh vegetables at this time of year, but they are evasive on the subject.
(58b) It's either special greenhouses or some arcane form of storage. This place is full of secrets.
(59) Now, what was it again that I told myself I needed to remember next time Zeetha wound me up...?
(60) One of the monks has been out and says he saw a Jäger, but was not able to describe him well enough for me to know if he was Dimo or not.
(61) Lady Heterodyne has just said she is bored. Why is it that I always think about altering my will when she says that?
(62a) Introduced Lady Heterodyne and Brother Finn. She asked him about St Szpac, and things moved on to lives of the saints in general.
(62b) And their deaths, which were usually gruesome. I shall never see a fish slice again without thinking of the martyrdom of St Ardulphus.
(63) I'm very glad Captain Dupree isn't hearing these martyrdom stories. The last thing she needs is more inspiration.
(64) Lady Selnikov asked if I'd lost my hairbrush. No. I just run my hands through my hair when I'm worried.
(65) Krosp swears that ginger tom is deliberately out to annoy him. I have absolutely no comment to make.
(66) If we make it to Paris alive, I'm seeing a tailor. I'm really not sure how much longer I can go without a coat in this weather.
[RT @girlgenius] Wednesday's page is...UP! We're back to Agatha, who is just now missing a Jäger... http://fb.me/1AmU7OCkb
15 October
(67a) Accident while clearing snow this morning. Brother Tadeusz and I were clearing a flight of steps, and he fell.
(67b) I was clearing from the bottom, so was able to catch him, but he was still hurt. Took him to the infirmary.
(68) Startled just now by an eldritch wail. However, it turned out to be only Krosp and the ginger tom having a Kilkenny moment.
(69) As far as I can judge, both cats think they have won the fight. Thankfully Krosp didn't ask me to adjudicate.
(70) This isn't getting us to England, nor even to Paris. I confess I feel rather useless at the moment.
(71a) I fear that Zeetha is being rather too sanguine with respect to Dimo. Jägers are certainly tough, but that was a formidable blow he took.
(71b) He flew into the air like a shuttlecock and landed in freezing snow. Even for a Jäger, hypothermia must have been a risk.
(72) Just seen Brother Tadeusz on crutches. He has sprained his ankle, but fortunately nothing worse.
(73a) Nobody is blaming Violetta for her relatives. I do, however, feel her pain to some extent.
(73b) I'm quite embarrassed enough about my Uncle Septimus without being related to the Sturmvoraus family.
(73c) No, I am not going to say any more about Uncle Septimus. *cough*
(74a) And while we're on the subject of the Sturmvoraus family, I'd like to know who was behind those bears.
(74b) Certainly not von Blitzengaard, or he would be here himself by now. But they were after Lady Selnikov.
(75) I must disagree with Zeetha. Alcohol will not help my low mood. I think I shall go and play that harpsichord again, which will help.
(76) One of my recurring nightmares these days is that I shall end up as a character in a bad Heterodyne farce.
(77a) I played the harpsichord for a while until Krosp joined me and started singing along.
(77b) Far be it from me to discourage anyone, but I do feel that if Krosp wants to sing he should start with something easier than Purcell.
(78a) Escorting Lady Heterodyne across Europa is much like escorting a lighted match through a pile of tinder.
(78b) This is why I feel that a state of constant mild panic is actually not unreasonable, given the circumstances.
(79) Great Scott. Was that really van Kleek who walked past a moment ago, wearing a novice's habit?
(80) I checked with Brother Finn. Van Kleek really has joined the Corbettites. It appears that he has had a steam conversion experience.
16 October
(81) No new snow, but there was more firewood to chop. The way van Kleek wields an axe is frankly terrifying.
(82a) There is an elderly Russian lady who has suddenly started looking daggers at me whenever she sees me. This is very curious.
(82b) I am sure I have not met her personally before, nor the young lady she is with.
(83a) Am now investigating the Russian lady. I think it wise to try to establish whether this is just a casual dislike or something more serious.
(83b) After all, I have sometimes had to inconvenience Russians in the course of duty. Occasionally, I regret to say, fatally.
(83c) I'm not proud of that. But sometimes it is kill or be killed.
(84) The lady is a Madame Klimenko from St Petersburg. She is governess to the other lady, Nadia Petrovna Burova. This rings no bells.
(85) I have completely drawn a blank on Madame Klimenko. Perhaps she just dislikes the British. I am, after all, wearing an insignia.
(86) Happened to mention Madame Klimenko to Zeetha. She laughed at me and asked me what the hell kind of master spy I was. Am flummoxed.
(87a) Ah. It seems I am the only one who has not noticed the looks Nadia Petrovna has been giving me. She has not been glaring at me, er, at all.
(87b) Yes, well. That explains everything. How deucedly embarrassing. I shall have to pretend I haven't noticed; it's the only decent thing.
(87c) As for what kind of master spy I am, I'm certainly not the sort who trifles with anyone's affections. And that's all on the subject.
(88) I've been told I need one of these: http://questionablecontent.net/view.php?comic=1203 … I really can't see it working with my waistcoat, though.
(89) On the plus side, nothing has actually exploded yet.
(90a) Dozed off just now. Dreamt I was back at Cambridge playing cricket. Must not dwell on that, or I shall get maudlin.
(90b) Instead, I shall go round and see if anyone has any news of Dimo yet. I'm starting to feel he must be alive, or he would have been found.
(91a) Lady Heterodyne has invented a new game. It is rather like draughts in three dimensions. It is quite hard to play.
(91b) The mechanics of it are very ingenious, though, as one would expect.
(92a) Good! I have finished mapping this place in my head, as far as is possible. A lot of space is completely unaccounted for, however.
(92b) There are rooms we know about that we are not allowed in, but there must be a great deal else beyond those, especially at ground level.
(93a) Thinking about this logically: this is an isolated fortress. The one thing it's vulnerable to is seige. And the monks are not stupid.
(93b) I'd make an educated guess that there are going to be tunnels down there.
(93c) Siege, for goodness' sake. I am obviously too tired to spell and should go and get some rest.
---
Notes
(1) "...a clean collar and cuffs." Mr Wooster is the most historically accurate character in the comic when it comes to dress. Victorian dress shirts were always white, and they had detachable collars and cuffs, which is why one occasionally finds characters in Victorian fiction scribbling notes on their cuffs. They could just take them off and replace them, without having to change the whole shirt. It's worth noticing that Gil, despite massively outranking Mr Wooster, is not nearly so particular about his shirts; here, you can see him wearing a shirt which quite clearly has a fixed collar.
(6) "I lost my luggage..." When this happened. Zeetha was able to separate the rear three coaches from the rest of the train just in time. The luggage was further forward, just behind the engine.
(7) "...useful after all?" Lady Selnikov does not seem to think Mr Wooster very useful in this panel.
(10) "Master Gil is on this Twitter thing." He's @gilwulfenbach, though his account wasn't active when Mr Wooster found him. Let's hope that changes, as it could be amusing. (Of course, Mr Wooster is going to be in two minds about that possibility!)
(12c) "...he Fails at Cat". I had to put those words into Violetta's mouth because Mr Wooster just wouldn't talk like that. In the comic, I'm assuming that he is not speaking English and we are therefore getting his words in translation; hence it's not a complete cringe moment when he says something like "a mighty good day's work", which no Englishman of the period would ever say. But he tweets in his native language, so I have to make him sound right. I have a good rule of thumb: if Sherlock Holmes would phrase it like that, it's correct for the period.
(13b) "...a fianchetto..." For non-chess-players, this is an opening manoeuvre in which one or both bishops is/are parked at the side of the board, defended by pawns and attacking between them. I don't play chess as well as Mr Wooster, but I do know enough not to like the manoeuvre. It seems to be less popular today than it once was.
(14) "Miss Zeetha will have her little joke." No need to go into specifics here; we already know that Zeetha likes winding Mr Wooster up. Of course, it is rather an easy thing to do!
(15b) "...seven stone soaking wet." For non-Brits, one stone is 14 lbs, so Mr Wooster thinks Brother Finn weighs about 98 lbs maximum. That could be a mild exaggeration, of course, but the point is that Brother Finn is very small and slight compared to his assailant. Mr Wooster's reaction is automatic, and on the side of justice.
(16) "I'm getting twitchy." And he's not afraid to admit it. Mr Wooster doesn't let fear stop him, though.
(18) This is what happened to Dimo, and it explains why Mr Wooster is worrying about him. In case it's not clear, he's the one flying through the air.
(22) "Ludicrous and rather painful incident..." No, I don't know. Mr Wooster was too embarrassed to tell me. But it's a pretty safe bet Krosp was still trying to steal his spare buttons.
(24b) "...even worse for her than it is for me." Mr Wooster is missing England, but at least he does still know where England is. Zeetha has no idea where to find Skifander. This is a rare moment of empathy between these two characters, who aren't normally the best of friends.
(25b) "...a gentleman like me..." It took me quite a lot of writing Mr Wooster to understand that, despite external appearances, he almost certainly doesn't consider himself to be a "gentleman" in the sense in which it was commonly understood at the time. To be a gentleman, he would have to have independent means, but here he is working for a living. He doesn't appear to be in any way ashamed of that fact, so, although there's nothing explicitly stated in canon, I'm going with the assumption that he's a scholarship boy from a respectable but not aristocratic family. The word "gentleman" may even be a little problematic for him, especially if he got trouble at school for not having a pedigree. (We'll revisit this idea later.)
(25c) "The Dutch don't do snobbery much." He has a fair point here. Whereas in England one historically had to be aristocratic to be anyone, in the Netherlands it was much more true that one simply had to have money. While that can certainly lead to its own kind of snobbery, it did also mean that there was a great deal less of the attitude that working for one's living was something to be looked down upon.
(30) "I know what Brother Ulm tried to do." But not the half, Mr Wooster, not the half. You weren't, for instance, around when he said this (bottom right frame). Also, you don't know what the Abbot knows. The reference here is actually to this single incident, which is obviously quite bad enough. (There's nothing in canon to say that Mr Wooster saw it, but he doesn't miss much.)
(33b) "...make a eunuch of him." Oh, Mr Wooster. What a true Victorian you are. I'm quite sure that's not at all how Zeetha really put it. *big grin*
(35) "...once the fighting starts, I will be fine..." He's right. Here's the incident with Dupree, which is my all-time favourite Wooster moment. He starts out scared senseless, which is an entirely reasonable response. The moment Dupree is distracted, he pulls himself together and starts thinking hard, until the unexpected happens, when he's scared again. And then we get this scene, which I think is sublime. He's got to run away afterwards, because she's got a gun and he hasn't (he lost that rifle he commandeered); but if he can be collected enough to do that to Dupree when she's about to kill him, he's going to be all right in a fight with anyone else. Even Martellus von Blitzengaard.
(37) "I have enough loyalties as it is." He certainly has. He's loyal to his country, despite the fact that it ended up treating him like this. He's loyal to Gil, at least to a certain extent and probably now rather reluctantly, despite the fact that Gil ended up treating him like this (a fact which must, surely, have ended their long-standing friendship). And he's loyal to Agatha, originally because of the other two loyalties; but I think the longer he goes on, the more he is inclined to be loyal to her simply for her own sake, because she's actually the only one of the three who continues to treat him decently.
(42c) "...moments when I hate this job." We know, old chap. They happen to us all. However, I don't get the impression Mr Wooster hates his job very often. He's supremely good at picking up information (notice how often he's used in the comic to provide detailed background information when it's needed, such as here and here), and he gets a lot of satisfaction from using it constructively. The trouble is, he's basically a nice person, and there are times when that clashes badly with spying.
(44) "...strange, but beautiful, music." Mr Wooster has forgotten what happened the last time he heard Agatha play music like that. Still, since he was concentrating on not being killed by Dupree at the time, that is perhaps understandable.
(48) "...seen the Abbot." This caused some slight confusion, because at this point he hasn't met the Abbot. However, he doesn't actually say he has, just that he's seen him, presumably walking around the fortress. The Abbot is easily recognisable because of his distinctive clothing, and his arms would certainly get someone's attention.
(57) "...Abernethy biscuits." Popular in England in the late nineteenth century, and recently, to my astonishment, I discovered that one can still buy them. I didn't. They look like something of an acquired taste.
(62b) "...the martyrdom of St Ardulphus". I don't know how you can martyr someone with a fish slice, and I'm not going to ask Mr Wooster. I suspect he'd prefer to forget.
(64) "I just run my hands through my hair when I'm worried." And we see him doing that quite frequently in canon, such as here, here and here. No wonder his hair tends to look untidy although the rest of him is always immaculate!
(68) "...having a Kilkenny moment." The reference is to a famous limerick: "There once were two cats of Kilkenny;/Each thought there was one cat too many,/so they fought and they fit,/they scratched and they bit,/till instead of two cats, there weren't any."
(70) "I feel rather useless at the moment." Oh, the irony. He's been helping the monks with odd jobs at every chance he gets; but of course that doesn't cross his mind, because all he can think about at that moment is the fact that they're delayed on their journey. Most of the time, he is very much inclined to underrate himself.
(76) "...a bad Heterodyne farce." This is almost a direct canonical quote, repurposed.
(77b) "...something easier than Purcell." Purcell is not actually so very hard to sing, provided you have a trained voice and some idea what you're doing. Krosp, of course, doesn't. At least Mr Wooster wasn't playing Bach, who was a wonderful composer but made no allowance for singers whatsoever.
(80) "...a steam conversion experience." Mr Wooster never makes terrible puns in canon, which is perhaps a shame. I think he might be quite good at them if he wanted. However, he's probably been brought up to believe that a pun is the lowest form of wit, so I imagine that here he is very drily quoting Brother Finn.
(83b) "Occasionally... fatally." This is actually referencing a piece of fanfic I'm still writing, in which we have a flashback where Mr Wooster is forced to kill someone for the first time. The "someone" in question is a Russian agent who is trying to kill both Mr Wooster and a third party. Mr Wooster does kill him, but then goes into a state of shock (it doesn't help that he's got a bullet in his shoulder). I wanted to bring out the fact that he can kill when he really must, but it doesn't in any way come naturally to him. I imagine this Russian agent is really haunting him during this episode.
(87a) "It seems I am the only one who has not noticed..." Usually he's far more observant than this, but he's been so busy trying to work out what's upsetting the older woman that he has barely noticed the younger one.
(87b) "It's the only decent thing." That is going to read strangely to modern eyes, and it probably lost me a follower. But, from Mr Wooster's viewpoint, it is perfectly consistent and moral. He has no feelings for the young woman, as he explains later in more detail. He can't say anything to her without getting her into trouble with her draconian governess, and, whatever his views on whether or not the governess should be exercising the amount of control that she is, the fact remains that it's happening. Nadia Petrovna has to travel with Madame Klimenko, and Mr Wooster is not going to damage relations between them any more than he can possibly avoid.
(88) In case the link doesn't work, it's a Worry Hat. With ear flaps. The principle is admirable, but the style is all wrong.
(90a) "...maudlin." No pun intended, though I realised there was a potential one after I'd tweeted it.
(92a) "I have finished mapping this place in my head..." It would have taken him quite a while. The fortress of St Szpac is pretty big. But it fits in with his general policy of absorbing all the information he can, in case it's useful.